www.jujyfruitmcgee.blogspot.com

Gravity Is Keeping Me Down

2010-01-16T10:33:00.001-05:00

Gravity plus undigested Christmas goodies.

Fortunately, I was able to crawl to a soft spot near the remote control before I let gravity win.

"This just isn't going to work."

Unfortunately, I couldn't ignore the Christmas tree hovering accusingly over me, dropping shriveled up needles every now and then in its passive-aggressive attempt to gain attention.

So I decided to move my gravitational struggles to a different room. One with an equally soft spot to land, but with less responsibility looming overhead.

"Ahh, that's better..."

After ~~wasting~~ relaxing for the entire morning, I pulled myself up by the HDTV cables and attempted a trip to the grocery store.

Unfortunately, the car battery was dead.

"$*&$#@!!"

Exhausted by my brief exertions, I went back to ~~bed~~ couch and decided to order pizza for supper.

You know you haven't been cooking regularly enough when the kids groan "Pizza, again?"

"Isn't this a fun Family Movie Party Night?!"

I disguised my affliction by billing the whole thing as Family Movie Party Night!

The next day, I felt ready to attempt vertical and to attack the piles of laundry.

"$@#*%*!"

I made it through one load... and then the dryer quit working.

Unable to do laundry at home, and lacking transportation to take it elsewhere, it seemed the universe was telling me it was my DESTINY to simply get back on that couch. So I draped wet laundry over every chair in the house and peacefully followed my destiny.

This time with the remote control AND a book.

Guilt-free lethargy.

The next day, I again felt refreshed and ready to be vertically productive.

Since laundry, cooking, grocery shopping, and running any other proactive errands were still out of the question, I started a sewing project I've been meaning to work on.

"*@$%^@!! ...Seriously, am I on Punk'd??"

And -- surprise, surprise -- the sewing machine quit working.

(Later that night, my son would say to me, "It's like you have the Midas Touch, only without the gold. And everything breaks." Yes. Yes, indeed.)

I blindly attempted to fix the problem, but was unsuccessful.

So? Back to the TV. This time with snacks and drinks.

Click. Click. Click... (sigh)

...And then I remembered the Christmas tree, standing there in all its uppity judgment. Sucking the fun out of my personal staycation with its silent accusations, dripping with dusty needles and disgust.

I thought about it carefully, and realized that taking the tree down did not require transportation, or clean clothes, or food in the cupboard, or the production of a well-balanced meal or crafty project. I couldn't possibly continue to watch TV willy-nilly knowing that this task could actually be achieved.

I realized there was only one thing to do.

Zzzzzz....

...So I did it.

Low-Tech High-Tech.

2009-12-16T10:03:00.007-05:00

I love technology as much as anyone. There are certain things I don't hesitate to purchase and can't imagine doing without. Like our TV, for example. Cable. DVD players. My laptop.

There are other sparkly high-tech things, however, that don't seem as essential to me. So even though those Christmas ads are urging you to rush out and buy the latest and greatest, let me suggest several low-tech substitutes that seem to fill the role just fine.

My technology. Let me show it to you.

This is my Palm Pilot:

It's winter now -- don't forget the nose stuff!

This is my cordless phone:

It really did work at first, but it broke. I removed the cord and left it there as decoration. Why? Because I like it.

This is my cell phone:

This one is real. In use. Seriously.

This is my PhotoShop:

I use those Cut and Paste tools all the time.

This is my BlackBerry:

I find myself fresh out of blackberries at the moment, but when I have them, they look like this. Only frozen.

This is my Cricut:

FREE to good home!

This is my GameBoy:

His favorites are Probe and football.
(Ok, we actually do have one. But I'm on a roll here!)

This is my ~~Wii~~ Wee.

But it will be replaced by the REAL THING on Christmas morning! Let's talk about hand cream while we wait.

This is my Segway:

Speaking of personal technology...

...what about the rest of you? Any others to add to the list? (I bet you actually do have a laptop if you really think about it.)

December (Already?)

2009-12-07T09:08:00.001-05:00

A few weeks ago, the kids were outside in short sleeves. The sky was blue, the leaves were falling...

...and falling and falling and FALLING!

Canadian Geese were flying noisily over our house every evening...

...because, unlike me, they knew what was coming:

SNOW!!

December has arrived, folks.

Happy Thanksgiving

2009-11-26T20:06:00.001-05:00

That's cake you're looking at, by the way. (Knowing that makes it look much tastier, doesn't it?)

The main course was Szechuan Chicken & Peanuts over rice.

Just your basic, traditional Thanksgiving feast...

Brown Coat, Brown Coat, What Do You See?

2009-11-23T21:41:00.003-05:00

(A post in which I entertain ~~myself~~ you by airing my dirty laundry.)

(click image to enlarge)

The Jujyfruit Family Mash! (A Very Belated Treat)

2009-11-11T08:40:00.008-05:00

OK, I know Halloween is long past by now, but I didn't stumble across this fun video until this morning and I simply couldn't resist.

I decided that since I'm sitting here picking fun-sized Snickers bar out of my teeth, it's still current enough!

(snicker)

Try JibJab Sendables® eCards today!

P.S. That time I meant the other kind of snicker.
P.P.S. Well, fine, you caught me -- BOTH kinds! Bwahahaaa... *sound of wrapper crinkling*

Bonkers Post: One Day Back in June...

2009-11-04T09:54:00.008-05:00

Ready for the first blogging round of Bonkers? We're going backwards to go forward!

First stop -- this post about a zoo trip that took place back in June...

Bonkers

2009-11-01T07:28:00.002-05:00

This morning I woke up with a jingle stuck in my head.

Apparently my brain is giving me a gentle little kick in the butt, urging me to put some things in this yawning gap of blog space. I stopped blogging for a bit -- unintentionally, really -- and then found myself unable to start back up. Do I explain my absence? Do I need to fill in the holes first? Can I use those old drafts now, even though they are from past months? Because then everyone will be so confused by the obvious chronological blips in my online diary and will therefore be unable to make sense of the world in which they live??

Heh. I might have been over-thinking it.

But you can just thank your lucky stars that a simple jingle running through my head this morning will allow all of humankind to release its collectively held breath and permit the earth to resume its spinning. (Whew! That was close, eh?)

Ready for the brilliant insight? It's this: BONKERS.

No, seriously, Bonkers -- that 70s board game? Do you remember it?

Now available in select online vintage stores near you! Only $39.95 + shipping.

The end of the commercial's jingle was:

"...You go backwards to go forwards in a Bonkers kind of fun,
You think that you are losing, when suddenly you've won!
Bonkers is fun,
Bonkers is nice,
Bonkers is never the same game twice!"

Does that ring a bell for anyone? We didn't watch much tv back in those days, so it must have been a fairly frequent commercial for me to remember it. (Though we did have the game, and I remember singing the jingle over and over while playing it, so maybe disregard that last sentence. Hmm.)

Anyway, I woke up with those lines in my head and realized that was the answer: I need to go backwards to go forward.

So here we go.....backwards! Hang on to your hats -- the next few posts will be a Bonkers kind of fun.

Happy Halloween

2009-10-31T22:04:00.005-04:00

Halloween Greetings to you!

From:

An Old Guy,

Steve,

and one of these Fireflies.

Evil Brackets of Doom!

2009-10-31T09:08:00.002-04:00

Here's a scary Halloween horror for you...

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!! (Thanks, Picnik)

My daughter got braces. Right before Halloween. Which means not much Halloween candy for her! Evil, isn't it?!

And if that's not creepy enough for you, she also got horrid metal hooks glued to the back of her front teeth. They are supposed to keep her from accidentally biting the brackets off her lower front teeth...but the side effect is that she can't fully bite down at all. Anywhere. Which means not much chewing or biting or eating in general! I'm spooked.

And do you know what is even spookier than THAT??

...THE BILL! *blood-curdling scream*

(It's the stuff of nightmares.)

Yearbook Yourself

2009-08-28T06:23:00.038-04:00

In case you've been wondering, even though my last post said I was "going back to bed" I haven't actually been sleeping this whole entire time.

I probably could have. (I probably should have.)

But, no, little sleeping has occurred. Instead, I've been working. Working and working and working. I'd post evidence but I'm too tired. (From all that working.)

Instead, let me just sit here and relax while I entertain you with photos of me from yearbooks past.

1952

The love child of Carol Burnett and Lily Tomlin, perhaps? I'm quite liking the dark hair on me. Or perhaps it is the 20-pounds-lighter face shape I am enjoying. I'm not sure.

*****
19601960 was a fine year for me, too. Although, getting my limp hair to do *that* on a daily basis would have been quite a challenge! (Not to mention the whole tiny waist & big pointy bosom thing.) I think my aunt might have this exact same photo in her actual yearbook. Or one that's eerily similar, anyway.

*****
1962That ultra-feminine, be-ribboned updo is fooling no one.

*****
1966Jujyfruit as That Girl.

*****
1968My cousin, Hannah!

*****
1970

And a slightly more distant cousin.

*****
1974

Add braces and pimples and a skinny tie -- it's 8th grade all over again.

*****
1978

I smell Breck shampoo.

*****
1984

I smell prom.

*****
1986

Amy, is that you? Or is it me? I'm confused!
*****

1988

My MOM! (Her sweater was greenish. Remember?)

*****
1990

I had this hair, minus the side wisp. (And my friend had those glasses.)

See?? Actual 1990! (just oddly missing some curl on the side)

*****
1992

The long nails help me remember this is not my real senior picture.

*****
1998

If I could have gotten the left side of my own hair to swoop up as high as this, I probably would have.

*****
2000

This one stumps me. Long, straight hair? Off-the-shoulder top? Totally unfamiliar. (Except for that one Halloween...)

I sorta feel like I should go dig through boxes and scan in some more old photos to document the evidence behind my comments. But that just sounds like more work.

Instead, I'm just going to give you a link so you can go Yearbook Yourself, too. It's fun!

School, Day 2.

2009-08-17T09:21:00.001-04:00

It's Monday, and that means school is really truly starting. As in 5-days-in-a-row, hip-hip-hooray starting. It doesn't seem as exciting today, though.

We missed Junior's bus, because it showed up almost 18 minutes earlier this time and he wasn't even dressed yet. I had to send my other son out to tell the bus driver to head on without us because I wasn't even dressed yet, either.

My daughter gave me an important paper to sign, and when I handed it back to her it slipped through her fingers and floated through the air and then somehow did a graceful loop-de-loop and shot neatly under the stove. She finally retrieved it (and some other icky stuff) with a pair of chopsticks.

My older son's favorite, favorite sweatshirt's zipper got stuck in the up position and then broke off. (No, it's not chilly out, but it is raining heavily.) He yanked the whole thing off over his head and threw it down in disgust just as his bus pulled up.

After the kids were all finally out the door, I took the brand new, freshly-charged battery out of the wall outlet and inserted it into my brand new freshly shiny cordless sweeper to give it a run over the kitchen floor mess...and nothing happened. So apparently the wall outlet is dead.

We seem to have a sudden, severe ant infestation.

My nicest plant is dying, apparently on purpose.

There's a giant zit on my cheek and I'm out of coffee cream.

This room stinks.

I'm going back to bed.

(But, hey -- I CAN!) (insert vague, half-hearted cheer)

Breaking News: Self-Care Has Commenced!!

2009-08-14T15:00:00.001-04:00

This just in!

We interrupt your regularly scheduled surfing to bring you the following important announcement: The Associated Press reports that Jujyfruit has, allegedly, taken a bath. To repeat, initial reports now indicate that Jujyfruit may have had a bath earlier today.

According to public record, this has not occurred since sometime during the past school year, or approximately 3-4 months ago. Rumor has it that Jujyfruit did likely shower once or twice since then, but that rumor has not yet been confirmed.

An inside source, who asked to remain anonymous, verified the bath-taking episode did indeed occur, and offered eye-witness testimony that at least some shaving-of-the-legs had most likely taken place in that bath, as well.

"[the shaving] was only to the knee, but that is a good start," said the insider, adding, "I'm just relieved she took the time to do that, because her capris can only hide so much, you know?"

Examination of the visible laundry piles seems to indicate that in addition to the calf-shaving, Jujyfruit also may have chosen to dress in capris that were, in fact, clean. Speculation continues regarding what she may be wearing with those freshly-laundered capris, as all three of her usual summer t-shirts have been located.

One neighbor suggested that Jujyfruit may, in fact, be wearing an actual blouse of some type, though cautioned that the fabric did still appear to be a basic jersey knit. I repeat, the fabric did still appear to be a basic jersey knit.

The neighbor explained,

"I heard a strange noise coming from Jujyfruit's house at about 11:30 this morning while I was out walking my dog, so I glanced at the window and I could see her in there using a hairdryer! I remember it distinctly, because it was just so unusual.
At first I thought it must be someone else -- like, maybe she had a house guest or something -- because she wasn't wearing her normal t-shirt and also because it almost looked like she had on dangly earrings and lip gloss! But then she turned her head in my direction, and I could see that it really was her! I don't know what all this means, but I just felt it was my American duty to report it. Something fishy's going on over there."

Officers on the scene hinted that there could be a connection between these current allegations and the fact that the local school system held its opening day of classes today, adding that "strange things" were happening all over town.

Authorities urge anyone possessing information about these startling turn of events to contact our Jujyfruit Hotline at 1-800-SHE-LIVES. Again, that's 1-800-SHE-LIVES.

Operators will be standing by to take your calls as we continue to investigate this matter.

Back to School!!

2009-08-14T09:38:00.006-04:00

(my mental image brought to life with magical assistance from cornify & picnik)

I think this one pretty much speaks for itself. (grin)

I'm Sorry, Your Computer Does Not Exist. Have a Nice Day! Goodbye.

2009-07-28T08:10:00.001-04:00

You know my dearly beloved laptop? The one that is only 7 months old??

Well, I'm very sorry to report that the honeymoon is over.

Do you see that small rectangular box -- the one that's plunked down in between the screwdriver set and the large silver thingy, just off the edge of the red protective pad? -- that is my hard drive. The hard drive that contains all the essential and irreplaceable things that have never been backed up! (Gulp.) That dissection was quite painful to watch.

The good news is that the laptop is now back in one piece and I can use it.

The bad news is that it's still kind of wonky. I think. Or maybe it's not. Maybe I'm just filled with distrust and disgust. I don't know. Either way, I'm still annoyed with Dell and their automated Customer Service Line which sucked about 5 hours out of my day and also sucked, period.

We are rebuilding trust, my laptop and I, but we continue to cast sideways glances across the room and approach each other delicately for now.

*****

It all started when the laptop screen started to look funny. It had narrow vertical lines covering the entire area. The first couple of times that happened, the lines disappeared spontaneously, or I closed and opened the laptop lid and the lines went away. (Which I realize is akin to fixing a skipping movie by thumping the DVD player, but it worked.) Then one night the lines returned, and they stayed. I flapped the lid shut, optimistically restarted several times, unplugged and plugged back in, tried a different outlet, even let it rest overnight and did it all again the next day! (Because I am technologically savvy like that.)

Finally, I had to admit that I had A Situation on my hands and tried googling a solution. I was relieved to find multiple links for troubleshooting this exact problem! Unfortunately, the solutions all consisted of multiple steps with paragraphs that read like this: lllllclllllPlllllkllblllllllrllldllllllNlllllllcllllllFllllllbllllllBllllllTlllllllclllllellllblllllllhlllblllllrlllllrlllhlll. You know, because of the lines.

So I called the Dell Technical Support line.

I was transferred to many different people, who mostly all told me that I had called the wrong department. Calls were lost. I repeated my Express Service Code over and over and over again only to be told that it did not exist over and over and over again. I then gave my Service Tag Number over and over and over again. I was repeatedly told there were "billing issues" and they could not give me any information regarding that system. (I pleaded, "Just tell me what button I need to push to fix the screen!! That's all I need from you!!!" to no avail.)

(For the record, both of those numbers they wanted are from helpful stickers affixed to the bottom of the laptop. I mean it's not like I wrote them down wrong, or lost the paperwork, or forgot, or anything.) (AND the computer was paid in full back in December, along with the optional 3-year service plan! To guard against this very thing!) (Harrumph!)

To clear up the "billing issues," I was told to call the Financial Department. (Which, incidentally, I was to reach by dialing the exact same number I had been dialing all morning.)

Here's a slice of actual transcript to give you a small taste of how the calls went:

Automated Friendly Voice: Thank you for calling the Dell help line. Are you calling to Check Order Status, Make a Purchase, Technical Support, or None of Those?

Me: None of Those.

AFV: Ok, here's what else I can help you with: My Product Is Not Working, Get Pricing & Product Information, or I Have Questions About My Order!

Me: My Product Is Not Working.

AFV: You want Technical Support! I'll transfer you.

Me: (sigh) Ok, fine.

Live Technical Support Person: Hello, this is Avi. Can you give me your name and Express Service Code, please?

Me: Yes, but everyone says it doesn't exist. (give it)

LTSP: I can't find a match. Can you give me your Service Tag Number, please?

Me: Yes, but everyone says there is a block on it. (give it)

LTSP: There is a block on this system.

Me: I KNOW! That is why I am trying to call the Billing Department but I can't seem to get there!!

LTSP: I'll transfer you.

Me: WAIT! People keep transferring me and then I get cut off or have to start all over and I can't get anywhere because everyone says this computer DOES NOT EXIST!! Please get me the person I need to speak with!

LTSP: I'm sorry about that. I'll conference this call and stay on the line until you are connected.

Me: Oh, thank you!!

LTSP: (clicks, ringing, music......then SILENCE as I'm cut off again)

Me: @#(*&*@!

So, I dial Dell's Customer Service number AGAIN, jabbing the buttons with great hostility and considerably more force than needed.

Me: (beep-bwop-boop, boop-bip-beep, beep-bip-bop-BWEEEEEP!!!)

AFV: Thank you for calling the Dell help line. Are you calling to Check Order Status, Make a Purchase, Technical Support, of None of Those?

Me: None of Those.

AFV: Ok, here's what else I can help you with: My Product Is Not Working, Get Pricing & Product Information, or I Have Questions About My Order.

Me: My Product Is Not Working.

AFV: You say you would like to Place An Order?

Me: NO!

AFV: I didn't quite get that. You say you would like to Place An Order?

Me: NOOOOOOOoooooooooOOOOOOO!!!

AFV: I'm sorry, I didn't quite get that. Please hold for assistance.

Live Technical Support Person: Hello, this is Jennifer. Can I please have your Express Service Code?....

Seriously. It was like Groundhog Day mixed with Twilight Zone, sprinkled with SNL. Only without the laughter. And lasting 5 hours.

I finally reached someone who offered to send out a service technician to replace the LCD screen. And, miraculously, the 5-to-7-day waiting period turned out to be less than 24 hours, for which I was extremely grateful. (And when the problem turned out to be the motherboard instead, he actually had one ready to install!) So, I'm back.

But since then? After supposedly clearing up all the problems with this system and its corresponding account? I've received 4 separate phone calls from Dell, notifying me that they still have not received the old defective printer that I was supposed to send in when they sent me the new replacement printer.

Seriously.

Dell, please listen closely. My actual, real computer DOES EXIST; the phantom printer -- (now careful, here's where it gets tricky!!) -- DOES NOT!

I understand it's very hard to keep track of this, what with all your account information being stored on unreliable Dell computers with their failing LCD screens and bad motherboards and all. Maybe you could just print it all out and go back to paper files? Oh, right....there's that whole printer problem, too.

Well....could you please just transfer me to the Apple switchboard? Thank you!

(Yes, I'll hold.)

Star in Your Own Movie Clip: More Internet Fun!

2009-07-05T10:49:00.002-04:00

Here's another fun internet find for your viewing pleasure: my husband as Curly in City Slickers.

The customizable clip was offered as one of the choices for Father's Day viral marketing fun from Oddcast. (Office Space, Back to School, The Terminator, Dodgeball, and Robocop are also available if you prefer.)

Go to mymoviemoment.com to try it yourself!

And here's a tip: The face dubbing works better on some clips than others, so if your first effort doesn't work well, try a different clip! For example, Old School is a really funny diving clip...but would work best for someone with blonde or gray hair since the face shots are fleeting and a bit distorted (which rendered my dark-haired husband completely unrecognizable.) Just keep trying.

Face in Hole = An Entire Afternoon Gone! (But Definitely Not Wasted.)

2009-07-02T08:12:00.008-04:00

I love finding fun new internet sites -- especially ones that are creative, interactive, and FREE! And, boy, I stumbled across a great one yesterday!

FaceinHole.com is a site that allows you to insert your face into a variety of scenarios to create a hilarious new picture. There's no software to download, it's easy to use, and the results are great. The existing scenarios cover a fairly wide range -- animals, art, sports, pop culture, celebrities -- and the site says you can even create your own, though I haven't tried that feature yet.

I fooled around with this all day, adding my husband's face here and there and just basically cracking myself up.

Look at these!

Admittedly, some scenarios work better than others...

...but faceinhole is definitely going in my bag of tricks!

Now I just have to figure out a way to use all these photos... (cue evil laughter!)

Brown Bear, Brown Bear, Where Could You Be? (Or, Our Trip to the Invisible Zoo.)

2009-06-29T16:57:00.078-04:00

**My camera is still traveling with my daughter on vacation, so these photos are brought to you courtesy of my very old cell phone camera once again.**

I took Junior to the zoo. He wasn't excited about going until I told him we would see a tiger. That got his attention! He signed "tiger" and growled intermittently the whole way there.

First we saw the black swans exhibit.

Black swan, black swan, where can you be?

It consisted of a big empty area with a fountain and a pond and one lone duck.

Then we came to the chimpanzee exhibit.

I see tan ropes, empty as can be.

It was empty and under construction.

The wild dogs were nowhere to be seen, either.

Wild dogs, wild dogs, where can you be?

So we kept on walking.

A sign said the next enclosure was where the Takin (Takins? Takinusses? Takini?) lived. I was trying to remember what a Takin was and wondering how to talk about this animal to Junior. Was it like a deer? A cow? A pig? What the heck's a Takin?

It didn't matter.

I think Google Search is needed for me.

The Takin had been taken.

There were no lions or bears or elephants or giraffes, either.

But there were some cages with inhabitants that intrigued my son:

Wooly Ring-Legged Painterman

Brown Tufted Mowdegrasseus

We watched those cage-dwellers a while and Junior was content, though I was kind of wanting a refund.

The trip got a LOT more exciting and ended up being worth every penny (read Part 2 here!), but still, I felt compelled to compose the following letter To Whom It May Concern:

Dear Zoo,

Please get some animals.

Thank you,

Jujyfruit.

Hey, Look! I'm on Cake Wrecks!

2009-06-27T06:58:00.008-04:00

Well, a photo of mine is, anyway. And I've been grinning non-stop about contributing a wreck to the gallery of cakes over there! (Is it weird that I am so amused by this? No? Oh, good!)

My Blurry Cell Phone Photo Featured on Cake Wrecks!

I was out shopping a few days before Father's Day and spotted some disturbing cupcakes that made me immediately think of Cake Wrecks.

At first glance, it just looked like an innocent 6-pack of chocolatey Father's Day cupcakes, decorated in festive blues & greens....

Hey, look! Chocolate cupcakes!

...but on second glance, they looked like 6 festive little piles of crap! Literally!

Ewww!

The coiled, glistening freshness of each mound was so disturbing that I half expected to see steam rising from each and flies buzzing around under the plastic dome.

Father's Day Steamers for that very special someone.

I hate to admit it, but these crapcakes were from my beloved Target store. They do so many things right over there that I can overlook this one small misstep. (But Target bakers, if you are listening, you might want to consider applying the chocolate frosting with a slightly different technique next time!)

I suppose these cupcakes could be exactly what some people are looking for on Father's Day. Like if your dad is a dairy farmer. Or... a septic tank cleaner! Or if he sucks.

*****

If you aren't familiar with the Cake Wrecks site, you really need to go check it out; it's a very funny place featuring professionally decorated cakes that are -- you guessed it -- wrecks! They might be funny, misspelled, distorted, ugly, silly, or just plain strange. You'll love it.

Happy Father's Day to My Favorite Almost-Father!

2009-06-21T22:49:00.013-04:00

Happy Father's Day, all you fathers out there who read this blog! By my calculations, for fully one third of you guys, today is your very first Father's Day on the father side of the equation!

The, ahem, one reader I'm referring to here just happens to be my younger brother.

Technically, brother, you are in that Kind-of-Dad category, because the baby hasn't actually been born yet. But the due date is so near that I know today's holiday carries new significance for you this year, and I've definitely seen you make a mental shift in the Dad direction. I know you are excited for the big birth day, but I also know there is so much more to come that you haven't even imagined yet. You have all the makings of a great dad. (And next year you will be celebrating for realsies, without questioning your membership status.)

Now while you have all the makings of a great dad, I don't think you have all the STUFF that a great dad needs. So I've been scouring the Internet to find the very best baby products for a brand new dad like you -- an urban, gadget-loving, computer geek, playful, musical, active, smart, eco-friendly, hands-on, fun kind of dad.

I've found some really good stuff that I would love to get for you....but, of course, I can't get all of it. And, to be completely honest, you really don't neeeeeed any of it. But, man, is it cool!

Feast your fatherly eyes on this:

The 2009 Ultimate Mega Cool Baby Product Shopping List for New Dads Like You (Where Price = Not An Issue)

**********

MAGNO Wooden Radio from Uncrate

This radio and ipod player would be wonderful in the new nursery. It's attractive, fun and functional, and a lovely shade of green. It's perfect for playing beautiful tunes (and all those not-so-beautiful toddler favorites) for your new little musician-to-be.

**********

DadGear Cargo Jacket Wearable Diaper Bag

This is a cool jacket for you to wear when you're outdoors doing all those cool outdoor things that you do. Outdoors. Coolly. In your jacket.

**********

Z'fina Man Sling

Slings are great, but many of them are made with the mother in mind and they look adorably flowered and cute...but not very Dad-ish. But for the hands-on father who wants to do some baby-wearing of his own, this Man Sling is a great way to go.

And just think...if you wore The Man Sling over the ManGear Cargo Jacket, you could venture forth into the world with all the necessities and supplies -- even the baby -- and still have both hands free!* (All while looking very manly!)

**********

Modern Nursery Custom Canvases

This Custom Canvas is a great idea. Simply send in a photo of you and your child, and the image is transformed into a custom printed canvas on the background color of your choice. Preserve your memories and decorate the nursery, all in one shot. (Plus, it's got that high-contrast appeal that all the new babies are into these days.)

**********

Food Face Dinner Plate from Perpetual Kid

Ahhh, this one! This one might just be my favorite. The Food Face Dinner Plate set is one of the most creative and funny kid items I've ever seen. Actually, I suppose it would probably keep ME entertained longer than the baby...but how fun would it be to serve yet another boring meal on an exciting plate like this?! My only concern is that it's ceramic. While I know that appeals to purists, to old moms like me it just sounds like an accident waiting to happen. But then again...faces to decorate! Clearly Ultimate Mega Cool List -worthy.

**********

Wheel of Responsibility from Perpetual Kid

I'm guessing that right about now, the thought of taking care of your new little one sounds like a magical thrilling privilege. And you might actually find yourself waking up with glee (or remaining awake most of the night just listening to her breathe and hoping she wakes up again really soon so you can see her some more!!) in the first few weeks, but I promise you, the day will come when you would really rather not feed, diaper, burp, hold, whatever. There will eventually be a time when any one of those things is neither convenient nor fun. So when the newness wears off and all the unicorns have left the building, this little spinner could actually come in handy to help determine who's on duty. (Or at the very least, it could simply remind you to laugh.)

**********

Extra Nipple Buttons from Perpetual Kid

And speaking of laughing, this one is for the REALLY hands-on dad. The dad who fully supports all efforts on the breast-feeding front and wishes there were more he could do to help. Stick these puppies on and voila! a dual-nursing household it is. (heh, heh)

**********

USB Desk Vacuum from Whatever Works

As the nursing slowly morphs into First Foods forays, there will likely be times when you are sitting at the keyboard and holding your little whippersnapper while she happily gnaws on her gluten-free crackers and the crumbs will fall all over your computer desk. Have no fear -- your tiny USB Vacuum is here!

***********

TerraCycle Circuit Board Picture Frame

And speaking of computers....do you know what you will need to add to your desk at work the very second your baby arrives? A picture! These TerraCycle picture frames are made from recycled circuit boards, so they would be perfect for a computer guy's obligatory baby photo display.

**********

Taga Bike

Zipping around town on your Vespa is one of those great perks about being an Almost-Dad. But once you are an Actual-Literal-Baby-Toting-Dad, you might need to consider an alternative form of transportation. This Taga is one of the coolest bikes I've ever seen! (In fact, I've been gazing at it longingly and kind of wondering if it would still work for a big almost-8-year-old...but I had to admit his head would block my view and his feet would drag along the road. Rats!) But, oh, I can imagine the joys of having this contraption when your baby is a baby!

***********

Baby Brain iPhone App

Baby Super Tracker iPhone App

And, finally, I came across these two baby care apps. Last I knew, you didn't actually have an iPhone...but I know your devotion to Mac computers (and great technology), so I'm thinking it could just be a matter of time before you have one. And I also know how you like to be prepared and are careful and thorough in all your endeavors. Those characteristics could prove to be really helpful -- and extremely challenging -- when it comes to baby care. So when I saw these iPhone apps in my search for the latest & greatest, I thought the idea was right down your alley and added them to the list. Cool, huh?

**********

Lots to Say Baby Pacifiers

Much less high-techy, but still with a gadgety theme, are these pacifiers. There's also one (not pictured here) that says "Mute Button" which I was rather tickled by. And one that says "No Hablo." (hee, hee) I suppose they are pretty cheesy -- perhaps even totally tacky -- but they made my Ultimate Mega Cool List nonetheless. Because the thought of giant unblinking baby eyes gazing at me with "Hi" on her lips makes me grin.

**********

Now, listen. Here's the thing -- I already told you that I can't buy you all of these great products. But, brace yourself! Because I have purchased ONE of the items detailed above to send to you! That's right, one of these lovely gifts will be arriving at your doorstep. Will it be the Taga bike? Or maybe the pacifiers?

I'm not telling. You'll just have to wait and see!** (Isn't this exciting?)

**********

*You'll have your hands free so you can still do magic tricks! (And just think of all the new places you'll have in which to stash some of those magical components...you'll be the most popular dad at the playground!)

**You should anticipate something more on the pacifier end of the spectrum, though. Just sayin'.

The (Belated) Weekend Edition: Never a Dull Moment

2009-06-18T07:54:00.002-04:00

...unless you were watching us. Watching us would have been very dull.

Unless you were watching my son. (The older one.) He did a few interesting things.

But the rest of us barely moved more than our eyeballs!

The schedule was empty, the weather was lovely, and (this is key) Junior was elsewhere. There was no sense of urgency, no big project, no drama, barely even any noise.

So to be clear, the weekend probably looked dull if you were watching, but it didn't feel that way. Or I guess maybe it did, but only in a good way -- a mellow, comfortable, easy kind of way.

I am very, very good at doing nothing. It's one of my favorite things to do. I'm not one of those people who needs to stay busy all the time.

Which is why watching me is pretty dull.

But BEING me is not dull at all. I rarely get bored, so for me -- dull works.

And the only thing duller than my weekend is, apparently, this blog intro! So let's get on with it. There aren't going to be any meaningful lessons or deep thoughts. Just pictures. Lots and lots of pictures. Of us doing what we did. Which was...nothing much.

I lounged outside in my new comfy chair and finished reading a book to my oldest son ("A Week in the Woods" by Andrew Clements) which was my sole activity for the morning. Perfect!

That book inspired many camping-themed activities for him. One of which was, uhm, camping. In the back yard. All by himself! I watched him throughout the afternoon, but it remained a solitary and earnest endeavor. (I was glad, because I had already decided I would opt for my usual, dull, sleep-inducing bed when the time came.)

One camping-related thing that might have looked exciting was when he tried to starting a fire using a magnesium block and striker bar (like the boy in the book)....but it was another sustained lovely dull activity, because the sparks would occasionally fly but the pine needles did not ignite.

(He also asked for a bottle of iodine pills to purify the neighborhood street puddles into drinking water, but I said no. I prefer his drinking water nice and dull; no technicolor motor oil or swirling larvae allowed.)

My husband came home with a new wheelbarrow, which was used in many dull and non-work-related ways. It proved to be a great place in which to have a snack, take a break...

...or read a book.

I watched my daughter read for quite a while, because her interesting book cover provided me with a very entertaining perspective.

Mostly, though, I just sat with my feet propped up and watched the trees sway and the clouds migrate, and pondered the way the leaves framed a perfect square of sky.

I also watched the chipmunks and squirrels skittering about the yard. Lovely entertainment, yet so nice and dull --no grizzly bears or shark attacks here, if you know what I'm saying.

Then I watched my son make an invention he called a "marshmallow shooter," which sounds exciting and loud, but was really more of a mental exercise than anything. (Plus, marshmallows! And tiny metal springs! We're talking peaceful, mellow ambitions here.)

I shot random photos of the sky, because it had hypnotized me. And then I increased the color saturation to re-create the blue Kansas sky of my childhood, and leisurely contemplated the difference between the two.

And if I have failed to fully convey to you the quiet loveliness of a delightfully dull day, let me attempt to illustrate it with this video:

Did you hear that?

No??

My point exactly! Ahhhh.....

*****

PS. And then Junior came home and the dullness came to a screeching halt. Things turned literally, instantly, unexpectedly razor sharp!

One More Way To Start Your Day Filled With Energy & Purpose!

2009-05-21T13:04:00.007-04:00

I discovered yet another way to start your day filled with energy and purpose this morning: Wake up with the realization that it is your kids' LAST FULL DAY OF SCHOOL before summer vacation begins.

Gotta run! The clock is ticking!

How to Start Your Day Filled With Energy and Purpose

2009-05-20T11:56:00.001-04:00

There is some debate about whether my last post actually counts as a post that is NOT about not posting. (Did you follow that?) So, here is an alternative post featuring those cool "I Will Do One Thing Today" pads. This one counts! It doesn't even mention not posting recently!

Wait. Whoops. Well, just start reading HERE. >>

How To Start Your Day Filled With Energy and Purpose: A Simple 3-Step Plan Anyone Can Do.

Step 1. Drink Coffee. (Real coffee. Coffee with caffeine.)

I bought a new brand of coffee recently. It's not readily available at my local grocery store, so I bought two bags of it when I had the chance. I've been drinking this delicious coffee for well over a month now.

Yesterday, my husband made a pot of coffee in the evening for some dinner guests. (He usually just makes his morning coffee at work, so he hadn't actually made a pot from this new supply yet.) He started chuckling and whispering about me, and then announced with a grin that he had a theory about the source of my recent headaches and fatigue: I bought DECAF.

That's right -- I've been drinking decaf for weeks, and had not a clue.

Did I take advantage of this accidental weaning to free myself from the tyranny of caffeine? Are you kidding me?! I went straight out and bought a bag of the real deal!

And let me just tell you, after weeks without caffeine, the body reacts verrrrry favorably to a sudden spike in intake. I highly recommend it.

Step 2. Go Head-to-Head With The World's Largest Spider, Thus Saving Your Loved Ones From Certain Peril!

Caffeine will perk you up initially, but to achieve an optimum level of arousal, there's nothing quite like sheer terror to really get the adrenalin flowing. After the coffee started pumping through my veins, I sat down at the computer. Suddenly, out of the corner of my eye I saw the largest spider I have ever seen in my life, mere feet away!

Now I'm not particularly scared of spiders, but let me tell ya, this one scared the patooey out of me. It was enormous. No little stick legs here -- in fact, those spider legs were so big and thick they almost appeared FLESHY.

I started to panic, and yelled at my daughter to "help me get it!!" (Not entirely sure what I thought she could do, but I couldn't face my hairy adversary without knowing she was in the room behind me. And that she could call 911 when the moment came.)

I grabbed a jar with a lid and stealthily approached that spider, with pounding hard and trembling hands, and then POUNCED, quickly trapping it under the jar! After a brief celebration, I suppressed a shudder...held my breath...and thrust the lid between the critter's body and the carpet, lifted the whole thing up, and flipped the jar over. (Caffeine really does speed up your reaction time, btw.)

But there was a problem: the spider didn't fall to the bottom of the jar like it should have, so I was terrified I missed it. I quickly scanned the floor...then the jar...and realized it truly was in there, gripping firmly to the underside of the lid with his giant fleshy spider legs! (I nearly swooned from the very idea.) I managed to NOT drop the jar, and instead shook it VIGOROUSLY to make that spider fall to the bottom where I could keep a leery eye on him....and nothing happened. I shook it again -- still nothing! I realized I had most likely trapped one of those enormous legs in the lid itself, so I swallowed my bile, lifted the lid ever-so-slightly and SHOOK IT AGAIN! (I mean, we're talking maracas this time!) And finally, it rattled around and fell to the floor of the jar with an audible clunk. And just laid there. Without moving.

Because it was plastic.

Then the waves of relief and caffeine-laced, maniacal laughter set in. Whoo-eee! That was a close one!

But I tell you what, my adrenalin continued to surge for a good long time. Between the coffee and the adrenalin, I was ready for action.

I tried to re-create the moment in this photo...but it just looks so shiny and obvious now.

Step 3. Get Yourself a One Thing Pad & Write Down One Goal.

The first two steps of this plan will provide you with all the energy you need; this step will help you establish your purpose.

These One Thing pads are an excellent way to channel that caffeine and aim that adrenalin! If you're really lucky, and you set your sights nice and low, you might even can get your One Thing done before you hit the slump that occurs when the effects of Steps 1 & 2 wear off! (If not, at least you will have a clearly recorded goal for the day, which will help you remember what it was you wanted to do when you wake up from your nap later.)

----------

If the 3-step plan outlined above seems too complicated, or if you are unable to complete the spider portion of the plan for any reason, there is one alternative.

This alternative method is not nearly as fun, and I hesitate to even mention it, because it also involves loved ones fraught with peril -- but this is the type of peril that extends far beyond the plastic spider variety. In fact, should you choose this alternative method, it is absolutely imperative that you consult with a licensed medical doctor before proceeding! Nevertheless, in extreme cases -- implementing all precautions -- this method has been scientifically proven to get results.

For more information about this alternative method, continue reading below.

-----------

Alternative Method for Starting Your Day Filled With Energy And Purpose -- NOT FDA APPROVED.

The second, extremely effective method for How To Start Your Day With Energy And Purpose is to have a loved one schedule an early morning surgical procedure at your local hospital.

This happens to be the method I used yesterday. And even though I still didn't get out the door quite as quickly as I wanted to (Sorry, Bob! I didn't know they would take you back quite that early!), I have to say that my adrenalin and caffeine levels -- aka Energy & Purpose -- were, indeed, running on high for an extended period of time.

Now, I would NOT recommend using this alternative method very often (and it can be kinda tricky to find a loved one willing to participate) but for occasional use only -- seriously, NO MORE THAN 3 TIMES IN ANY 6-MONTH PERIOD, PLEASE!!* -- it is remarkably effective.

--------

Contraindications & Warnings
Before beginning either of the aforementioned recommended plans, you should become thoroughly familiar with each step involved and proceed with common sense.

Actually, never mind -- common sense would render certain steps ineffective. So, um, just blindly jump right in, I guess!

Try one of these time-proven methods TODAY and you, too, can Start Your Day Filled With Energy and Purpose!

--------

*Yes, I left room in that time-frame to do it all over again in August. But, seriously, Bob, that's enough! OK?!?

I Will Do One Thing Today. And I Mean It!

2009-05-18T13:40:00.005-04:00

Wow -- is it already time for another Semi-Monthly Post of Excuses and Empty Promises? Boy, time sure flies when you're ~~having fun~~ comatose!

I really think things will be different now, because I have something new that is going to free me from the bonds of inaction, give shape to my days, jump-start my ambition, change the very nature of my existence!

Look at this note pad:

Isn't that great?*

I got several packs of those "I Will Do One Thing Today" post-it pads as a birthday present from my mom, and I think they are just the ticket to get me going!

What? Well, uhm, yes. You're right, actually, and I'm really so flattered that you remember. My birthday is, indeed, in *cough* March. How kind of you to point that out.

But back to what I was saying. These post-its are perfect: motivating, yet realistic. I think they will be extremely helpful to me. And today's the day -- I'm opening the package!

OK! Here I go!

There! I did it! I'm taking action! I'm setting goals! Say hello to the new me!!

Oh, wait. Crap. That probably doesn't really count. Let me try again.

Ok, I know. Here's a good one!

Hmm. Does that actually count? I mean, can the One Thing I Do actually be something that I DON'T do? I'm going to have to think about that for a minute.

Upon further consideration, I have decided that I should only write things To Actually Do (as opposed to Not Do) on my To Do ~~list~~ blank. So I wrote a new goal. Here it is:

So now here's my question -- Does THIS post count??

----

*Check out some other pretty bitter products they offer, like these Sentimental Journey cards, or these gift tags, or --Yikes!-- these Dirty Doilies.

The Inner Workings of a Brilliant Mind. (heh)

2009-04-25T10:17:00.013-04:00

I was thinking today about how great it would be if there were some kind of futuristic invention that could help get the ideas from inside my head into a concrete form outside of my head. And then I remembered....oh, yeah. That's called "a blog."

But what I really meant is some kind of invention that would help me keep those thoughts organized and sorted and illustrated with images that would help convey my thoughts. And then I remembered....oh, yeah. That's called "Blogger."

But I really meant, more specifically, that I don't always have the right photos or drawing skills to use for those illustrations, and even if I did, the images I have in my head aren't always a REAL item, but rather some concept I picture with things that are smooshed together or altered or exist solely in my imagination! THAT'S what I need -- a futuristic invention that can instantly replicate those mental images! And then I remembered....oh, yeah. Those are called "Google Images" and "PhotoShop."

So I guess what I really meant is that I need something to make using all those nifty inventions just easier or more frequent. And then I remembered....oh, yeah. That's called "Motivation." (Or, actually, now that I think about it again, it is also sometimes called "AdSense"....though that wasn't really the type of motivation I was originally thinking about. Perhaps one day...)

Anyway, this brilliant brainstorming session really helped me see precisely what I need in order to get more posting done: Motivation & PhotoShop! I'm pretty sure I can pick those on ebay. Ebay's got everything!

I felt so much better after working out this solution to my writer's block...

And then I got to thinking, really, it's not so much "writer's block" as it is "writer's detour." I have plenty of material. I have a folder full of drafts that I simply haven't published. Yes, the ideas are plentiful, but the actual typing and explaining and proof-reading and fixing and making sense to other people get me all bogged down. It's like a long, bumpy, unpaved one-lane dirt road that is unpleasant enough to travel that you sometimes choose not to go even though you really like getting to the other side. (simile!) It's road construction that goes on and on and on, and every time you drive past the workers are taking donut breaks or gathering on the shoulder while leaning on their shovels and admiring their past progress and discussing how to proceed. (metaphor!) And then there are all those distractions along the side of the road. It's sitting down at the computer to ~~drive~~ type, but then reading interesting news headlines and then being sidetracked by daily blog reading and interesting links and then getting some more coffee and -- shoot! I'm still thinking about donuts and I need to get groceries anyway and I could pick up donuts while I'm at the store, and then while I'm out and about I go right past Target and I wonder if that mirror I've been looking at is on sale today?, and then its almost time for the kids to get home and woah where did the day go and now it's almost supper time and it feels so good to sit down and put my feet up for a minute and please hand me the the remote because I wonder what's on Bravo tonight and I'll just check real quick and how on earth did those women not know they were pregnant?? and what? -- it's bedtime already?! (literal!!)

And, hey! Speaking of metaphors & similes, I just had another flash of insight: ideas are like meteors! They're sometimes brilliant. and always fleeting and sudden and unexpected and if you blink you might miss them and if you don't get to the computer fast enough to write them down they just vanish into thi

For Everything Else, There's MasterCard.

2009-04-19T07:59:00.004-04:00

6 doctor visit co-pays: $300
chest x-rays: $125
medications: $130
nebulizer rental: TBA

having everyone healthy again: priceless

Happy Easter!

2009-04-12T18:44:00.002-04:00

Spring Break 2009

2009-04-08T08:00:00.003-04:00

I think mine will, too. Eventually.

I know many of you are far away in some sunny location for Spring Break, but just in case you are near a computer, I wanted to send my greetings!

We're having a truly one-of-a-kind vacation this year. We didn't travel anywhere, but we are having an unbelievable week right here at home! I keep forgetting to pull out my camera, but I did just take a few quick photos to post here and help preserve the memories.

First of all, you'd never guess we're still just at home. I mean, the view is incredible. My jaw dropped to the floor when I looked out the window yesterday! It's astounding.

Sorry, daffodils. I didn't know. IT'S APRIL.

We've had LOTS of R & R, with plenty of lounging around.

They usually had comfy nests of blankets and pillows. Don't worry.

We scheduled a few things, but mainly kept the calendar wide open and flexible and even canceled some previous commitments.

Can you decipher my coding system? Also, notice the ENTIRE WEEK of no school that occurred BEFORE Spring Break ever even started?? We are very lucky; we got TWO weeks off!

I've been relaxing a lot, too -- in fact, I didn't even bother to buy groceries and I've barely even had to cook a meal so far!

I promise they will all be thoroughly Cloroxed before I serve you salad or popcorn.

We've had lots & lots of family time; my husband has been home all week so far, and said he might just take the rest of the week off, too!

He was very sick, too, with a miserably high fever that wouldn't register. Oh, and by the way, I was just thinking the other day how lucky it is that he's not the one who bore the children. And also how lucky it is that he never reads this blog.

Even though we haven't even left the house, we've seen some amazing attractions...

I like to seal them up tight and secure for our archaeologist friends to find. It will give the Michael Crichtons of the future something good to write about.

...and visited some incredible places.

I love you, HDTV. (Especially when you have back-to-back episodes of "I Didn't Even Know I Was Pregnant")

Yep, Spring Break 2009 is definitely proving to be a week to remember!

Hope you're having a memorable week, too, wherever you are!

Boy, I can't wait to see your pictures!!

A Google Giggle to Jump-Start Your Day!

2009-04-01T09:23:00.007-04:00

I knew today was April Fool's Day. I mean, yesterday I looked up Family Fun's fake food of the year (fish sticks & peas) and rounded up the ingredients; I printed out some unsolvable puzzles for the kids to work on; I made a bag of CreativiTea (the Earl Gray Matter)...

...but I still had a moment of utter disgust when I read the announcement on my gmail sign-in page this morning. For just a moment, I believed. I fell for it hook, line, and sinker.

(click to enlarge)

Then I remembered what day it was.

I clicked to read more about CADIE, and the prank got even funnier:

Really, you must go check out her website. And for further giggles, read some of the comments; they are funny in both directions -- from those who obviously caught on to the joke and responded in kind, and from those who...well, didn't. (Artificial intelligence, indeed!)

What a fun way to start the day -- thanks, gmail! You've inspired me to go do a few pranks of my own.

Happy Foolin', everyone!

It's My Birthday!

2009-03-23T10:24:00.000-04:00

I'm 39 years old today.

I think the years are beginning to show.

Grow old along with me at Age-O-Matic...

...and send your results to jujyfruitmcgee@gmail.com.

I think that might make me feel better.

Dear Nigerian Scammer

2009-03-14T08:34:00.004-04:00

Photo borrowed from this guy, who has a good scam response story.

Dear Nigerian Scammer,

It was such a surprise to hear from you the other day! I mean, how long has it been since that whole big Who Misplaced All The Money incident?! Oh, wait, that's right -- NEVER! Ah, the memories. :) Those sure were some good nonexistent times, weren't they?

Just a little tip -- If you tell me you are holding my misdirected check for $300, there's actually a small chance I'll bite....but a misplaced cheque for $300,000?? Get out!

No, seriously. Get out of my inbox.

I mean, it's nothing personal or anything. You might be a really nice person, just trying to make ends meet in a tough situation. A modern day Jean Valjean, if you will. It's possible. But I'm kinda busy right now and don't want to have to deal with some big fiasco and lose all my money and have my identity stolen and all that. So, thanks for the nice email and all your helpfulness, but leave me alone now, ok? I sure appreciate it! :)

Anyhoo, gotta run! Good luck with all your scamming and stuff!

xoxo,

Jujyfruit

PS. You staying warm enough over there? It's still really cold here! Brrrr!

The Home Stretch

2009-03-10T17:01:00.001-04:00

Our basement remodeling project is close to completion...and I'm so excited I can't even wait for the final results to post a few photos and show it off!

We painted...and painted...and PAINTED all last weekend. (Five Rooms x Two Coats Each) + Four Colors = Gallons and Gallons of paint.

Scroll down for a preview!

Spring Cleaning

2009-02-27T06:33:00.004-05:00

Hi. Today is February 27. I just posted something dated February 14. I did not edit the date or time on it. I simply wrote the last sentence and hit the "publish" button.

Why did it take 2 weeks to do that?

I don't know.

I happened to catch a bit of an Oprah show the other night where the guest suggested that physical clutter in your house = mental clutter in your mind. Well, I'm living proof of that! (Hello, guest! Come on in! Careful you don't trip over the clutter of my mind!)

It's spring cleaning time, folks.

In real life, our basement project is nearing completion. We are rearranging furniture, pulling out boxes that have been in storage these past months, hanging pictures on the wall, and sorting through those things that stay and those things that need to go.

In virtual life, I plan on pulling out drafts that have been in storage these past months, hanging new posts on the wall, and sorting through those links that stay and those that need to go.

So now that I've posted TWO times this morning, it's time to go do a house-related job. I'll be back.

Happy Birthentine's Day! (Get Well Soon!)

2009-02-14T08:17:00.020-05:00

"Birthentine's Day" is a fairly rare holiday that occurs when one's birthday falls on Valentine's Day.

Even more rarely, sometimes the day before Birthentine's Day is also Friday the 13th.

And even MORE rarely, occasionally the Birthentiner has back surgery on Friday the 13th, Birthentine's Eve!

And VERY VERY MUCH MORE RARELY, that Birthentiner also is assigned to Room 13, with surgery scheduled to begin at 13:30 military time.

And RARELIEREST STILL, sometimes after surgery, the Birthentiner is able to wiggle the toes on his left foot, something he has been unable to do for the past 30 years!!! (Yes, 3 exclamation points. It's that big. I would put more but you might think I was joking. I'm not.)

This entire set of circumstances is so rare that if the above conditions are true, your name is Bob!

Happy Birthentine's Day, Bob!
Get Well Soon!

It's Genetic.

2009-02-12T11:20:00.002-05:00

Sometimes I read one of my own posts and think, "Will anyone besides me actually find this amusing?" And then I remember, "Mom!"

I should clarify, though -- I'm not talking about her being amused in that Anything My Child Does Is Wonderful kind of way...because that's just not how it all actually works, right? (Right?? Or did I just fail another one of those Perfect Parent Tests?)

No, what I mean is that I think my sense of humor has a strong genetic component. I've got some pretty good photographic evidence, too, to show you what I mean.

While we were on vacation recently, mom stayed in our house with our kids. And after she left, I found some little surprises she left behind for me: random phrases she cut out of magazines and taped around the house. (I only wish I had thought of it first!)

Here are some of my favorites:

"It took you 15 minutes to decide what to wear this morning"
(discovered in my closet)

"Survive the 70's? You deserve special treatment"
(taped next to my moisturizers)

"You're tellin' me this little bad-boy will diffuse her dark circles & fine lines...SOLD!"
(attached to my eye cream)

"It's hard to find your litter box if you can hardly smell it."

(stuck to the the top of Junior's diaper pail)

"Gifts suck."
(taped under the sink next to the tampons)

"Stock or broth: what's the difference?"

(discovered on pantry shelf)
Bonus points because I actually asked this question at Christmas!

"Charging Station: A small tray, dressed up with a ribbon, is a tidy place to stow your phone, BlackBerry, or iPod."
(taped to charging station, along with dressy bow)

I keep thinking I might find some more notes any day now*; it's kind of energizing, like Christmas ~~every day~~, randomly! She definitely knows how to strike my funny bone.

But though the notes were good evidence of some really strong genetic similarities between the two of us, I found other types of evidence that made it pretty clear I didn't inherit EVERYTHING from her....because she also CLEANED.

*****

*I actually worry there might be some sort of test involved here, and that there are certain notes hidden in nooks & crannies, or under piles, or on cleaning products that I won't find until I do the exact same cleaning myself! And then if I mention discovering a note like that months from now, she'll know precisely how much time has passed in between cleanings! IS IT? Mom, am I right??

On This Episode of Jujley's Believe It Or Not!...Obama, My Mom, The Numbers 82 and 15.3, Balminess, Thievery, and The Lone Fox

2009-02-11T14:31:00.001-05:00

Subtitle:

"Wednesday's Random Week in Review, Because Time & Space Have Little Meaning Around Here"
-OR-
"How Perfectly Normal Mid-Week Posts Sometimes Start Out Just Fine But Then Plummet Towards Bizarre"
-OR-
"Seriously, Jujy, Don't You Have a Load of Laundry You Should Be Doing or Something??"

Ok. Quick recap of Monday first.

My mom and uncle were among the lucky few who were able to score tickets to see President Obama at Monday's Town Hall Meeting, right close by in little ol' Elkhart, Indiana. This is Obama's first such appearance since his inauguration, and the fact that he came here, of all places, is an oddity in itself.

Why did Obama come here, to OurTown, USA? Because of this:

The Elkhart and Goshen area recorded the largest jump in December unemployment figures in the United States, according to data released this morning by the federal government.

Elkhart-Goshen had an unemployment rate of 15.3 percent in December 2008, up from 4.7 percent in December 2007.

Yep, that's right. I now live in the official Recession Capital of the Nation. Which is not funny.

But here's something that IS funny -- for some reason, Obama singled out my mom to come up on the stage and pose for photos!! And then, on Tuesday morning, one of those photos ended up on the front page of the newspaper!

See?
Ok, I totally made that part up. (With a little help from myinauguralphoto.com!)

But, seriously, she DID end up on the front page photo of one of the local on-line news articles with coverage about the visit. Well, sort of.

See?
The yellow arrow points to my actual uncle in the bottom corner of the photo. The blue arrow points to my virtual mom who was, in fact, directly beside him.

And the two of them were also spotted on the televised local news coverage of the event.

See?So now, not only is my mom on Facebook*, but she's also practically famous! Odd, eh?

OK, next oddity!

Here's another headline from Tuesday's news:
Less than a month ago, it was 80 degrees colder outside than it was on Tuesday, (-19 degrees on January 16, and 62 degrees February 10).

Do you see that? EIGHTY degrees warmer?! That's odd, I tell you! (Especially when you consider that it is still chilly enough out for jackets and sweatshirts and there are patches of snow still on the ground; I mean, we're not talking summer here, folks!)

Next oddity:
There was a red fox running around our neighborhood today. That's right, a single red fox! I saw it off and on for about an hour, and even followed it around the neighborhood at one point. I never had my camera with me when I saw it, unfortunately, but the story is true! True and odd!

photo source (since I didn't have my camera!)

And if all that was not enough to give you pause, how about THIS: I was just informed that as I was sitting here typing this -- right inside the front window of my house -- money was stolen out of the construction worker's vehicle parked in our driveway, less than 30 feet away! And I saw NOTHING!

...AND THEN, right after I learned about the mysterious thievery, the phone rang -- with a caller ID of 999-999-9999! -- and the Fraternal Order of Police asked me to make a donation!

Seriously, folks, I can't make this stuff up!** (I mean besides that one little picture, of course.)

What is going on here?

Was it the fox?! Mere coinkydink? Conspiracy?? Are we being targeted? Do The Others want revenge? Should Hurley change his lottery ticket to 15.3 - 80 - 30 - 999 - 999 - 9999 - 48?

Because that's an impressive list of oddities for a 48-hour period in one sleepy little town, isn't it?
Discuss!

And join us again for future episodes of Jujley's Believe It...Or Not!

*****

*Oh, hi, mom! Just kidding there! And can you still babysit tomorrow night? KThxBai!

** Well, actually, I could. Pretty easily. BUT I DIDN'T!

Domo's Big Adventure!

2009-02-09T09:22:00.002-05:00

Guess what? My fingers are finally thawed enough to type! Now I can regale you with glorious stories of my sunny vacation...hopefully in a way that just makes you happy for me, or makes you smile vicariously; NOT in a way that makes you seethe with jealousy and want to kick me in the shin.

Boy, this could be difficult.

OK, here's an idea: I think I will let someone else tell about the week. That way you won't exactly picture ME at the other end of this unfair-yet-glorious jackpot of golden luck! Plus also you won't be haunted by pictures of me in my bikini.*

When we left for our trip, I kidnapped the little Domo guy off my son's dresser and left a note in his place. The note was written to my son from Domo himself, and it explained that he was sneaking into my suitcase to go off and see the world. (...but that OF COURSE he would be coming back because he LOVES living here!)

So, Domo ended up in Mexico and had quite an adventure. In the spirit of Flat Stanley, or, more currently, Bathroom Gangsta,we took lots of pictures and e-mailed some back while we were gone so the kids could see what Domo was up to.

I've put the photos into a little movie to tell all about Domo's vacation. Enjoy!

******

*OK, technically there is ONE partial picture of me like that. But there is no bikini. I kid about the bikini! I haven't even owned one since 1988!! (And, actually, those pictures would probably be postable. But you might not recognize me.) But these days? Well, these days a nice, modest tankini -- with skirt! -- bares plenty enough. I guess you might call it a momkini.

Back to the Real World

2009-02-01T15:57:00.005-05:00

I just got back from vacation. I was here:

...and now I'm back here:
(sigh)

The Other Guy Who Had a Dream

2009-01-20T09:28:00.010-05:00

Most people are completely unaware of this fact, but there is actually another guy who also made a visionary "I Have a Dream" speech.

The Other Guy

His speech was heard only by a select few (the kids & me), but it had a fairly big impact on the way we live. We moved.

As you know, we bought a house several months ago. There were many wonderful things about this house...but there were also some problems with it. (No, I'm not talking about the pink bathroom, but I do appreciate your concern.) One of the main problems was that it only had three bedrooms, yet our family requires four. But, the house also had a large unfinished basement, and though it was hard for the average home-buyer to see the potential there, my visionary husband did.

We walked through the basement while the house was still filled with the previous owners and all their junk, and my husband was able to see a future in which the basement could be turned into finished rooms that would fill the needs of our family and all our junk!

Photo taken moments after the actual speech, as our daughter absorbs the dream.

Many things have happened between that day and this current day. The dream is slowly becoming a reality. We have torn down walls, demolished barriers, and removed obstacles, laying the foundation for a life in which our children will have new freedoms and opportunities and bedrooms in which to experience dreams of their own!

I'm excited; the future looks bright.

Here -- take a little peek for yourself!

Top Chef Season 5: Our Quickfire Family Challenge

2009-01-18T10:30:00.003-05:00

As you might recall, we are big fans of Top Chef. BIG fans! We taped the new one (Season 5, Episode 8: Down on the Farm) this week and watched it together last night. You can read a full episode recap over there, but the part that really caught our interest was the QuickFire Challenge at the very beginning of the episode.

In that challenge, the chefs had 15 minutes to make a dish from an assortment of canned and processed ingredients. While the chefs were slightly dumbfounded and made many comments about how hard it was to cook with that type of food (instead of the hand-delivered, fresh whole ingredients to which they are accustomed), I found myself thinking that it just sounded like a typical midweek mealtime dilemma to me!

Sure, there was stuff in there that even I, an ordinary canned food user, have never even purchased and would find extremely challenging to use -- like SPAM, for example. I admit to thinking it a bit beneath me...so it's only natural that these up-and-coming gourmet chefs would too, right? But, listen to this -- the winning QuickFire dish was one that used the Spam!

(And as a total aside here, if you read the episode recap I linked to above, past winner Stephanie Izard sings Spam's praises in her blog....which makes me wonder if I am actually missing something! Do I need to try some Spam??)

After watching the episode, my son and I decided we were going to try the canned & packaged pantry challenge for ourselves. We started the timer and rushed off to investigate our available ingredients.

There was a lot of stuff in the pantry cupboard, but it was a challenge to find things that seemed likely to pair well together in an inventive combo...or that would be done quickly enough.

...So we decided anything in the fridge should be fair game, too. We pulled out a variety of options, and then quickly made our game plan for THREE separate dishes.

Depressing or inspiring? Depends how you look at it...

The first dish was inspired by Ramen Noodles, a pack of Teriyaki Salmon, and a head of lettuce.

Eww! (It's been in the cupboard for months, just waiting for someone to give it a try...)

We threw the salmon in a skillet to heat...but it looked pretty unappetizing and definitely needed to be doctored up a bit. We added soy sauce and rice wine vinegar...and ginger! (I realize this isn't a typical pantry item, but we decided it was the perfect addition.)

Fresh ginger -- lucky us!

After sauteing together, the ginger mellowed and the sauce reduced to a delicious caramelized coating.

It's a miracle that Junior has never actually burned his NOSE while watching me cook.

We used lettuce leaves as a base, then layered in the Ramen noodles and salmon. We sprinkled crushed peanuts over each filled lettuce cup, but it was way too salty.

I bet the Top Chef kitchen doesn't have one of these ever-useful, old-fashioned potato mashers...

Checking the pantry and fridge once more, we mixed up a sweet sauce to drizzle over the cups and garnished each with fresh lime.

With a little cilantro & mint, it would have been the perfect Thai dipping sauce.

Here's the finished dish: Asian Lettuce Wraps with Teriyaki Salmon.

Despite taking so many pictures, it seems I neglected to take pictures of the next dish's humble beginnings. So instead, I will simply take a picture of its humble ending and label the layers.

Meet dish number 2: Inner Beauty Briskettes, the appetizer with a great personality. (Bubbs summed it up well when he urged, "Try them! They taste a lot better than they look!")

Good thing the plate was colorful...

Surprisingly tasty, but definitely missing something fresh. Or something not brown.

The third dish was, admittedly, a bit of a cheat. It would equal sudden death in a real Top Chef challenge, but was a lovely little addition to our menu.

There was a leftover pan of cream cheese brownies sitting on the counter...

...and some Hershey's syrup and whipped cream in the fridge.

Voila! Dish number three: Double Chocolate Pastries with a Duo of Cream!

Because "Prepared Brownie Mix with Canned Whipped Cream Leftover From Thanksgiving" just didn't sound right.

The three dishes were presented to our Esteemed Panel of Judges (also known as Our Family, thus including both of us chefs...but not Tootsie, who heard the word "salmon" and caught a glimpse of Inner Beauty Briskettes and promptly resigned).

Judge Number 1 gave the menu a very solid Thumbs Up.

Judge Number 2 enthusiastically agreed, giving it Two Pointy Fingers.

Judge Number 3 (me), put her camera down and chowed.

Judge Number 4, Head Judge for this event, had the honor of announcing the winner...

...Asian Lettuce Wraps with Teriyaki Salmon, you are the winner for this challenge!

Inner Beauty Briskettes, please pack your knives and go.

(Double Chocolates with your Duo of Cream, you know you don't really count because you have immunity. Still, your performance tonight was integral to the success of your team, and you will remain safe.)

Congratulations to our winner!

More Computer Fun: Kiderpillars!

2009-01-06T08:58:00.003-05:00

Here's a fun little stop-motion movie we made over Christmas break while the cousins were all together. (And, no, that's not my house, but I will post photos soon to relieve your fears about that sad light gray paint.)

You don't need a fancy new laptop to make one of these, but it sure did make the process more fun. (and faster!)

How I Spent My Christmas Vacation

2008-12-31T07:25:00.001-05:00

I have been having a very merry Christmas Vacation. It's been filled with many of my favorite things -- eating good food, lazing in jammies until noon, lots of crafting and puttering around, and

...THIS!!

That’s right, I’m the proud owner of a brand spankin' new LAPTOP! She’s a beaut with her big, wide, crystal clear screen, and some fancy internal thingamajigs with lots of megamilatonobytes of pixelRAMS and fast whizzy horsepower stuff. And I think she has some kind of processor or something.

But most impressive of all, she has a built-in camera and a push-button control pad and a fingerprint scanner! And there's even a twee little remote control to…uhm…carry in my pocket when I have to leave her behind! Yes, I think it's so I can take a little piece of her along and never forget her.

She's really something.

I’ve wished for a laptop for a long time, but I wished in the way that I also wish to win the lottery, or have a maid, or live inside of Target. (You know, one of those fantasies that I don't really expect to happen.) But Santa was VERY generous this year. (And apparently I was REALLY good.)

So let me show all the amazing stuff I've been doing!

First I did this, early in the morning, while the rest of the house was sleeping:

Then everyone else was up and around, too, so I did this:

And later I did this:

And then I took a break to tell everyone good night. So that I could do this:

And then I realized that my eyeballs were completely dried up and exhausted from the hard day's work:

But I couldn’t stop, so I told myself I could follow just one more link.

And then I told myself the exact same thing TWO HOURS LATER:

But I just kept at it until I nearly fell asleep in the chair:
...which was when I noticed that there were crazy avatars with assignable moods, and so of course I had to turn myself into a puking cat, which kept me awake for another minute or two:

Until finally this happened:

Thank goodness the battery died SO I COULD FINALLY GO TO BED!!

This has been the Christmas Break of my dreams. Unlimited computing and crafting, tasty meals made by my hubby who's been home nearly every day, everyone warm and cozy and busy with new games and toys, no appointments, no schedule... Ahhhhhh...
Does it really have to end??

Hand-Knit with Love

2008-12-24T08:52:00.005-05:00

I've been having some crafty fun around here lately. (And I've put in some long hours over at Santa's ~~Sweatshop~~ Workshop! I can hardly wait to show you, but I promised the big guy that I'd keep my secrets secret just a bit longer. Check back AFTER Christmas to see those photos.)

If you are being gifted by me in real life, you know what all that means, don't you? This:

Now I readily admit that there have been a few things along the years that haven't quite turned out the way I imagined them. Many of those are still in a drawer somewhere -- or even, possibly, a landfill -- but I'd like to think that I've come up with some really good stuff along the way, too. Right? Right?? Ok, thank you!

Now, if you happen to have in your possession one of my more questionable crafts...well, I apologize.

(But please note that I'm only apologizing for the ones that I agree are a little bad. The ones that I think are great but that you actually really sort of hate? Those you must continue to appreciate. heh.)

That's the thing about crafting -- it's all so subjective; one person's trash is another person's treasure. My craft might be your craftastrophe. (thanks for the site link, Rachel) Yep, that's right -- there's an entire website out there based on Crafts Gone Bad; their tagline reads "because handmade isn't always pretty."

(Be forewarned, things get rather cringe-y over there at times and it's often NSFW* but there are some classically tragic wonders to behold, for sure.)

It's given me a new standard by which to judge my projects, though, which is this: Would This Craft Look at Home on Craftastrophe?

Or, alternatively, What Would Craftastrophe Do? (I think making yourself a WWCD bracelet to wear while crafting could be a very good idea...)

So, with these questions in mind (and with bracelet on wrist)**, I would like to offer previews of some sweaters I knitted last night, just to get some viewer feedback and make sure I'm on the right track...

This first one is for my husband -- a nice manly vest in black, with appropriately understated applique:

The next sweater was created specially for my sister-in-law (the youngest, liveliest, most energetic member of our family) in a jaunty shade of green with the very latest in holiday embellishments:

(I envision it with a star that flashes and bells that jingle when she moves her arms...)

Finally, here is one for my mom, a classy, refined woman with classy, refined taste:

So how did I do? (giggle) Do you have any suggestions for me? Any design elements you'd recommend?

If so, please pop on over to the sweater shop at weloveholidaysweaters.wehatesheep.com to design and "knit" your own custom sweater! It's great fun and only takes a minute, and then you can email your sweater to a friend with a custom message.

I want to see what you make, too! Send your knitted best to me at jujyfruitmcgee@gmail.com.

I am a crafty force to be reckoned with this year. Get your Gift Faces on, folks.

*******

*after seeing this phrase numerous times over the years, I FINALLY realized what it meant just yesterday: Not Suitable For Work. I had it somehow confounded by SWF (Single White Female) in my mind and interpreted it as a vague warning about the possibility of sleazy pop-ups or personal ads or spam if you click on the link... But now I'm in-the-know and can use it to make myself sound all hip and internetty! (And perhaps now you can, too!)

**(and with tongue in cheek!)

Breaking News!: Suburban Housewife Unveils Bold Paint Choice, Inspires Others

2008-12-23T08:30:00.001-05:00

I know, I know. My recent post about being stuck sounds a little shallow. It was all very Waa, paint! And Woe, all my things!! Such Suburban Dilemmas...I get that. Trust me, I do.

But the thing is I typically ENJOY doing the kinds of things I mentioned. (No, sorry, not cleaning or laundry or housework in general. No, thank you.) But being creative and making and changing and dreaming up stuff? Yes, please! I love it; it energizes me, it satisfies me. My lamenting was not so much about superficial material stuff as it was about BLANKNESS. Being just...out of it. My disconnect was disconcerting.

I'm still slightly meh about the world outside my door, but I'm incredibly relieved that my brain & I have resumed communications again!

Upcoming holiday ~~deadlines~~ festivities have helped kick me into gear, I think. Also, just taking on some creative challenges got the wheels a'turnin.

So, anyway, back to the paint situation. As I mentioned yesterday, I got Junior's room painted with some help from my daughter who was thrilled to assist. (No, really -- she was thrilled!) It seems my love of all things crafty -- and paint, in particular -- has been passed straight down to her.

I have received an inquiry regarding the color of the paint. Are any of the rest of you curious about the long-debated, long-awaited paint color selection, too? Are you prepared to be awed and amazed by the wellspring source of my inspiration??The color that felled the wall of blankness??

Brace yourself:

Now you just sit back and let it wash over you. Feel the power of that vibrant, stimulating, life-affirming, energizing, joyful, immutable, inspiring...LIGHT GRAY. (*snort*)

Who knows what bold craziness I'll dream up next? Grab your dentures, we're going out!

The Earliest Works of a Painter-To-Be?

2008-12-22T08:30:00.002-05:00

Actual bit of conversation that took place while my daughter and I were painting Junior's room the other day...

Tootsie: (discussing a friend from school) ...So, yeah, she says she wants to be a lawyer when she grows up. A lawyer! I do NOT get that!! Why would anyone want to be a lawyer??

me: Well, lawyers usually enjoy arguing sides, and doing lots of reading & research, and trying to make sure things are fair. So if she enjoys doing those kind of things, she'd probably be a good lawyer.

Tootsie: Yeah, she does like to...WAIT, did you hear that?!? Listen!

me: (worried) What?!

Tootsie: The PAINT! Wait -- ok, don't move. Listen!

(she rolls the freshly-loader paint roller slowly up and down a patch of wall again)

Tootsie: Ooooo, I LOVE that sound! Don't you?!

me: (grinning to myself) Yeah, I like to paint. I love seeing an entire room change just like that.

Tootsie: But doesn't it sound so neat?? Do you hear it?!

me: I do. It sounds kind of...juicy.

Tootsie: Huh, yeah, it just sounds so cool! I love that sound!! And look at it -- doesn't that look so neat, how it just goes like that? Look at this!

me: (amused by her enthusiasm) I bought an extra thick roller because this wall is textured, and it holds a lot of paint to help get in all those cracks. It is louder than normal -- because there's so much paint soaked into the roller.

Tootsie: (continuing) Yeah, so my friend wants to be a lawyer but....Wait a minute...where am I?!? Oh! (chuckling) For a minute there I couldn't remember what corner of the room I was in!! Heh! That was so weird. I need more paint!

me: ...?!? (bemusedly turning to watch her take a few steps to the paint tray)

Tootsie: (finding the paint tray and rolling and rolling to reload again) ...But I just don't get why anyone would want to be a lawyer. Ooooo, listen to it now!! I would hate to end up being a lawyer!

me: (trying not to laugh) Umm...well, I don't think you should worry too much about that happening...

Tootsie: Hey!! (looking up) Are you laughing at me?

me: Well, I am a little...it's just that you kind of sound more like a painter than a lawyer to me! (grinning) And I think I also probably need to open up a window and try to get a little more fresh air in here now....

'Tis the Season

2008-12-10T06:30:00.002-05:00

Brace yourselves, because I've finally done a couple of things:
1. Purchased a can of paint!
2. Shopped for Christmas presents!
3. Elfed myself!

Stay tuned for photos of the mystery paint color and also for Jujyfruit's Christmas Gift Guide (2008 edition), both coming soon.

The elf item (#3 on the list) is ready for your viewing pleasure below. Click & enjoy! (and then go try it out -- it's hard to stay all meh when watching your elf self!)

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

These special e-cards are only available for a limited time, so hurry on over there and Elf Yourself today!

Meh.

2008-12-07T08:13:00.001-05:00

You heard it's official, right? That "meh" is now in the dictionary?* That's helpful, because I'm using it a lot these days. (Also, I'm glad to hear the ever-useful "heh" is getting the notice it deserves; I'm a heavy user of that one, what with my frequent need for sarcasm or to sort of - kind of laugh, while simultaneously conveying that I'm a bit meh about it, and all.)

I feel the need to acknowledge my lack of posting lately. I continue to have a list of ~~great~~ ideas, but can't seem to get around to making them happen! It's partly the ongoing computer frustrations, partly lingering house stuff, partly general busyness, but it's mainly due to an ongoing period of meh-ness I seem to find myself in.

And as evidence of that theory, I will half-heartedly cut-and-paste this email I sent to a group of internet friends recently:

Hello, all. I've been checking in, but pretty much incommunicado lately. Don't know why exactly. I've been generally in a weird place these past weeks (months?). I don't really feel depressed, but just totally stuck. Definitely aimless, very nonproductive. Peaceful, with a touch of bitter. There needs to be a word for that in the English vocabulary, because it seems to be a fairly common state for me.

I think part of it is this new house. So much adrenalin to get here and through the initial icky stuff, but now I'm just immobilized. There are boxes I can't bring myself to unpack, paint colors I can't seem to select,pictures I don't know where to hang. But maybe the house is just a reflection of ME. Because I really do like being here, and am so much more relaxed. Perhaps its similar to D's situation: I've relaxed my emotional tone to the extent that I'm forgetting to...uh, well...MOVE, in my case. It sounds like a good thing on the surface, but there are things that really SHOULD be happening that just are NOT. I don't know what I'm doing with myself these days, and if you watched me on a time-lapse video, you wouldn't either.

This morning I was supposed to be going in to school to help roll out and cut gingerbread house pieces. Great idea, but they are making 52!! Sounded fun when I signed up, but was dreading it this morning. Then B woke up and said his stomach hurt and he's staying home from school today. Which means I am, too! And instead of being disappointed, I have been thrilled at this turn of events! Seriously warped that this would make my day.

So what will I do with these extra hours? Well...likely nothing. sigh.

See? Meh.

I'm thinking I should probably change the sidebar photo of me to one of these options:

( No, I didn't get a fresh new spunky haircut. That would indicate decidedly more intent and action than I have now, wouldn't it? We meh folks prefer to just leave stuff as is.)

I found these photos in an old file from 2006. And WOWIE WOW WOW have I aged in 2 years...!!** Current photos show a marked wrinkle between my eyes. Apparently I've had a chronically furrowed brow for 2 years straight, or something. Huh. And the bags under my eyes are now big enough to carry home some of that Christmas shopping I need to do. Not presents, of course -- they aren't that bad -- but I could definitely tote some stocking stuffer items around.

Now, in all fairness, I also have gained quite a few laugh lines around my eyes. I view that as a positive. I'm gonna focus on those.

So there you go. I slathered a nice, uncomfortable layer of seasonal meh all over the place just for you! Happy Holidays! (heh.)

But the nice thing is that typing all this helped me see what I need to do to move forward: I need to do whatever it is that will help create more of the laugh line wrinkles, and fewer of the furrowed brow ones.

The rest will follow.

****

*Just an F.Y.I. -- Blogger's SpellChecking Button didn't get the memo yet.

** It's possible that the middle-aged acne I've been experiencing could help offset the wrinkled effect and impart a certain youthfulness about me...but that might just be wishful thinking.

Oops, My Tendencies Are Showing!

2008-12-01T21:12:00.006-05:00

Tonight I was looking up a recipe in my trusty old Betty Crocker's Cookbook (1990 edition). I grinned to myself as I skimmed over the section dividers, thinking how it's kinda funny that crazy Betty rank-ordered them in much the same way that I would put them!

You know, with the most important things towards the front?

She starts with Appetizers, Beverages, Bread, Cakes, Cookies, Eggs & Cheese, then a variety of Meats, and finally Veggies & Fruits as a chronically neglected afterthought (ahead only of Nutritional Information, which is essentially buried in the back)! I mean, seriously, in today's PC, health-conscious, nutritionally & ecologically responsible world, you just don't find a cookbook like THAT anymore!! I mean am I right, or am I right? But ol' Betty, she knows what's good!

...And then I realized that the whole thing was simply in ALPHABETICAL ORDER.

Thanksgiving: Pass It On!

2008-11-26T09:31:00.002-05:00

Yesterday was a humbling day. An emotional day. A Thanksgiving kind of day.

The Sunday School class my husband and I are part of decided to donate money to buy boxes of food for families at one of our neighborhood elementary schools. It's the school that our kids attend, and where several of our class members are employed. It's a school that has some 70% of its students qualifying for free or reduced lunch programs. It's also the official "homeless" school for our community.

We collected money in class and quickly came up with enough money to buy 10 boxes of food from a local distribution center.

Yesterday, our family went to pick up that food and deliver it to the school, where the guidance counselor had selected 10 families to receive the boxes.

We got the food loaded up much more quickly than we had expected, and found ourselves with extra time on our hands. We decided to go to the grocery store and pick up a few items of our own. It was a typical family grocery store trip. Some bickering about who got to sit on that side of the car, some impatient snapping at each other, some negotiating for treats, some minor annoyances. We loaded back up with our own groceries (charged on plastic with nary a thought) now also in tow and drove to the school for the delivery.

**SCENE CHANGE**

Some of the families were already at the school, waiting, and the positive energy in the room was almost palpable. Everyone was smiling and helping and quietly talking. When we were done unloading, the counselor asked if we would be doing this regularly, and I said that I hoped so, but wasn't sure. He said that after talking with teachers, he had identified 16 families in need (though certainly there are more), and he would love to be able to connect more of them with some assistance.

It was with very mixed emotions that we left the building, realizing that we felt so good about this thing we had done...but that it was only a drop in the bucket. As we walked out the door, the counselor handed us some envelopes, explaining that the families had written thank you notes.

I got back in the car, working my feet in between our bags of groceries piled there on the floor. We drove away in silence, trying to process it all. And then I handed out the envelopes so we could read some of the thank you notes out loud. I wanted the kids to hear. I wanted them to know what it means to help others. I wanted them to understand this thing they were now a part of. (Or perhaps, this thing that was now a part of them.)

The thank you notes were heartfelt, gracious, kind. I had a knot in my throat reading the first one out loud, and found myself blinking back tears, just thankful for what we have, and thankful to be a part of something good, and incredibly moved by the simple fact of people helping people.

When my son started to read a card out loud, the emotions swirling through our heads reached a moment of overwhelming depths. (Or heights, depending on your view.)

Tears started to run down his cheeks, and he couldn't finish.

"He said there were sixteen families...but we only had ten boxes," he said.

****

I started this post last Sunday, but I couldn't finish it. I just didn't have the words. And now, even as I type this days later, the tears once again begin to rise up my throat and I find I still don't have the words.

But I know that when I come back and read this, I will remember.

I don't know how to record the moment, but simply to say that it was beautiful and tragic all at once. That it made me feel both immensely powerful in my ability to make a difference, and also to feel incredibly small and of no consequence at all. It made me feel incredibly good, and incredibly guilty. It was despair and hope, mingling together in one breath.

****

On the way home from the school, we stopped to pick up Junior. (He paid a visit to his grandparents while we did the grocery run.) It was time to go to his Physical Therapy appointment.

This is a new addition to his weekly therapy routine. Through word-of-mouth, we heard about an amazing therapist nearby -- the kind with magic fingers and sensitive spirit -- and she was willing to see him. Despite her full schedule. Despite our total inability to verbalize what we want her to do to him. Despite the fact that she doesn't take Medicaid, though that is all the coverage Junior has, and that we can't afford her full-price visits. She was not only willing, but excited, energetic, curious, eager! She's offering us a greatly reduced price and seeing him 5 weeks in a row for a trial run. I don't know what might happen, but I am extremely grateful for the possibilities.

I left the house with my grocery tears barely dried, then drove straight to this appointment, a fresh set of kindness-of-others tears threatening to spill over.

****

They say it's better to give than to receive, and I agree. It's certainly easier, I do know that.

But what is really amazing is to be on both ends of that equation within a short span of time.

My cup runneth over. I'm filled with Thanksgiving, though it it's not the official day for that. I'm proud to be a part of the human race today. That may sound like a crazy statement to make, but in a world where the headlines sometimes make me hang my head in shame -- for all of us -- it is a profound and welcome feeling to be a small, fitted piece in this very good puzzle.

Here's my challenge: Do something good today.

It can be large or small....just something above & beyond the usual, whatever your particular brand of usual might be. If something nice has happened to you recently, pay it forward. If nothing nice has happened lately, do it anyway.

Just tip that first domino over, and trust that the momentum can flow on down the line.

Happy Thanksgiving, world.

Seriously??

2008-11-25T21:36:00.001-05:00

It is 9:27 p.m.

I was just in the bathroom, washing my face, and preparing to brush my teeth...when I looked in the mirror and realized that I had a piece of spinach stuck in between my two front teeth.

I ate spinach salad SEVEN HOURS AGO.

Seriously?!?

I sat down to write an entirely different post,...but come on, people! Seven hours?!

Instead of posting, I am now going to crawl under the covers and make up for those 7 Hours of Ignorant Bliss by fretting and stewing in extremely concentrated doses for the next 30 minutes!

Or until I fall asleep!

Whichever comes first.

But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks?

2008-11-18T08:58:00.000-05:00

I'm pretty sure I'm not quite ready for this yet, but it is just magically beautiful outside this morning. I can't stop staring.

First snow fall, Winter 2008.

A Deep, Dark Pit of Despair?

2008-11-15T09:58:00.001-05:00

I have something to show you. Look at this picture of the GIANT HOLE in front of our house:
What is it, you ask? A photo of my own personal deep, dark pit of despair?

No, silly! Look again!

Can you tell now? It's a very HAPPY pit -- a deep, dark, murky, worm-filled pit of HAPPINESS! (It's not every day you capture one of those on film, now, is it?)

You may be wondering why I am happy about a giant pit suddenly appearing in front of a house that looked like this when we bought it...
...and the answer is because it's the first step towards our basement remodel. Those pits will one day be filled with greenery and pools of sunlight -- and a pet toad, if Bubbs gets his wish -- and will also provide the necessary escape route for the egress windows in our future basement.

Here you can see the outside filled in with landscaping blocks and pea gravel (for drainage) and the score marks for cutting out holes to install some big, new, shiny windows.
It's a little...cement-y, I agree. But definitely NOT a pit of despair. Stay tuned.

And Now for the Talent Portion of Our Show

2008-11-12T06:41:00.003-05:00

The hubster and I decided to take a little break from all the work we've doing lately, and brush up on an old routine of ours...

Try JibJab Sendables® eCards today!

(giggling) If you would like to try some fun dance routines of your own, take a look at jibjab.com in the "Starring You" section.

Enjoy!

Penny-Pinching Quote of the Day

2008-11-11T06:45:00.001-05:00

(a snippet of actual conversation between my husband and daughter)

Him: "...I want you to be cognizant of that, and also aware!"

Her: (blinking) "Dad, why do you always like to use those big fancy words?"

Him: "It's important to have a good vocabulary....plus, it's a cheap way to look smart!"

Election Day Joy & Merriment

2008-11-05T18:10:00.008-05:00

I woke up this morning and had to run immediately to the computer to read the headlines and make sure that Obama really did win last night. (I went to bed before it was all official.) And though I really don't like to talk politics, let me just state for the record that I'm thrilled (as you probably gleaned from various comments I've made on this blog).

But there are some other reasons I'm especially relieved that Obama won. Now that the Obama Presidency is secured, it feels safe enough to let you in on a few little behind-the-scenes secrets that have had me pretty worried these past weeks.

First of all, it seems that somehow MY NAME was being tossed around as a presidential option! And while I thank all you faceless internet supporters out there for your belief in me -- however misguided it may be -- it was CLEARLY a bad idea. Very, very bad! (I suppose there was some twisted logic in thinking a Blogger Mom was just as qualified as a Hockey Mom...)

Anyway, I am breathing a BIG OL' SIGH OF RELIEF today that the nomination never really got much farther than the local news, and I'm still free to sit around in my robe and sip coffee and blog this morning. (Shew! That was close!)

Local News Clip:

**Edited 11/6 -- If the video doesn't show up for you, you can watch it here.

Now, the second thing that had me worried was that I forgot to update my voter registration card after moving! I read all the fine print on the on-line voting information sites, and was fretting and stewing that I wouldn't be allowed to vote this year.

To make a long story short, I ended up going downtown to City Hall and voting early, just in case there was a problem. Everything went smoothly, and I was assured my vote counted. Thank goodness, because I was SO PARANOID that Obama would lose by a single vote...and it would be all my fault! My friend sent me a video from moveon.org depicting that exact situation. (Thanks, Lynne!)

I tried to go back to the website and personalize one with MY name on it, but the page is no longer available, so here it is hammering a poor ol' guy named Alan.)

**Edited 11/5 -- Shoot! The video actually says the non-voter's name is "undefined." Sorry about that -- looks like they've pulled the plug over there. I'm leaving it in anyway, just for history's sake.**

Just One Vote:

Here's to change! Can't you just feel it in the air?

Invisibility Post # 5: Help! I've Fallen and I Can't Get Up!

2008-11-05T15:30:00.004-05:00

I seem to be stuck. All I can think of is how everything could be blogged about in terms of its invisibility factor.

There's the obvious:
Two large trees were cut down in our yard!
The one existing room in the otherwise unfinished basement has been deconstructed! (seriously, that one's totally gone, walls and all -- it's practically begging for me to post pictures and write about how it's now invisible!)

There's the less obvious (the -- wait for it --invisible, if you will):
All the summer posts that are sitting in draft form in my files, waiting to share their newsy bits!

I could just keep going and going and going and GOING with this pathetic theme. Which is...what I meant by "stuck."

But I won't. Or at least I'm trying not to. But here it is, Invisible Post Number 5 that's pretending not to mention Invisible Post Numbers 6, 7, and 8!

So let me just get this one last joke in and I'll change the topic:
An invisible turkey, an invisible priest, and an invisible rabbi go into an invisible bar, and the ba.....

--Oooooooooooooooo, SHINY!

And in case you can't tell how big that thing actually is, here's a bit of scale.

Yes, BIG. And so very, very shiny!

It has On Demand Digital Cable...which has Mad Men...which has a pink bathroom, just like ours! I'm totally hooked.

And, finally, free to move on from previous obsessions (to a nice shiny new one)!

P.S. Sorry about the dead horse and all!

Invisibility Theme, Part IV: Dalai Mama Has Left the Building

2008-11-01T19:12:00.000-04:00

(Alternate title -- "Hello & Goodbye: A Long, Impassioned Ode to Catherine Newman, Blogger Extraordinaire...With a Few Ramblings and Pithy Comments Along the Way")

The Dalai Mama, one of my all-time favorite blogs, is undergoing a major change. Catherine Newman, the blogger behind it all, explains everything in It's Not Goodbye -- It's Bon Appetit! *

Have you discovered this amazing blogger yet? I've had her links on my sidebar all these months, though I've never singled her out for recognition. I certainly hope that some of you have wandered over there at some point and had a look around. It's a place so comfortable and warm, you'll probably want to go back and visit regularly. It's the kind of place you can sip a warm drink and spend an amiable afternoon without even realizing what time it's gotten to be. Where it's nice and nest-y, though you're constantly inspired to remember that you, too, can fly.

I think of Catherine as the mom I thought I would be...before I got too tired, or cynical, or just...took too many shortcuts. (Well, minus the vegetarian co-op part, and the loving-the-family-bed part,...and the husband-is-a-masseuse part, because THAT is something I didn't even think to dream of!) It's not that she's perfect, though, either. (Which makes her all the more wonderful, in my opinion.) She's not a robot or Stepford Wife, not Bree Van de Kamp or Martha Stewart. She talks about feeling overwhelmed & wondering if she's doing it right, but -- and this is key -- she remains mindful of these things. She somehow manages to maintain her focus on the big picture while simultaneously zooming in to note the microcosms along the way.**

She's a great writer, too. It's hard to pin down exactly what it is that makes her writing so wonderful. She's sincere, thoughtful, focused (mostly) -- in both her writing and her mothering, tender & funny, but it's more than that. She has that special something, that umami writing, that strikes a deep, rich chord beyond the bitter/sweet/salty components. Each post is something to savor slowly, and is uniquely satisfying.

So that blog, which I have eagerly read each Wednesday morning (although in reading her goodbye comments I discovered the new post was up on Tuesday afternoons, actually, and I could have read it 8 hours earlier!), that blog is now GONE.

Well, sort of.

She will still be there writing, only now she will be writing about recipes (mostly). I say mostly, because as she herself points out, it's not really about the pear cake.

I will be missing her old column greatly -- though of course, technically she is still there, both in archives AND in the new Dalai Mama Dishes. And of course I will keep visiting weekly, browsing through recipes and planning hypothetical feasts (much like flipping through an IKEA or Pottery Barn catalog), while reading between the lines for glimpses of Ben & Birdy and fall melancholy and pants and undies falling down.

So far, I've been surprised at how much I'm enjoying her new blog, and by how lovely her recipes sound -- they really are more than pear cake! And, because, let's face it -- I'm not the wholesome, unprocessed foods, & barrels-of-granola kind of mom that she is. (Read the otter pop post to read see why we differ...and why we mesh.) Her pot roast recipe with accompanying photos and comments actually had me giggling aloud. (How someone can take such unappetizing photos, then sprinkle the paragraph liberally with the words "placenta", "severed torso", "stool softener", and "barfing" and STILL make you want to try the delicious pot roast recipe tomorrow night -- ?? Well, that, my friends, is precisely why you should be reading her.)

But, now that I think about it, perhaps you should actually read the plum cake recipe first. Because that is the kinder, gentler, crunchier version. No bodily emissions or organs there! (Although there are reminders of motorcycle boots & fierceness layered with the wholesomeness of baking & motherly love that goes into the Catherine Newman parfait, so to speak.) And once again, while I can truly say that plum cake has never even occurred to me, I was moved to want to try the recipe. Both because it looked so tasty, and, simply, as a nod to Catherine. A sort of sweet goodbye -- and hello! -- to the blog(s). Plus? Butter. Real butter and sugar and simple goodness. I will overlook my usual chocolate bent and give plums a chance.

So anyway, once you've said hello to Catherine's new blog, go back and read the old blog archives. They are gems. Diamonds sparkling from the depths of an old mine shaft. An old mine shaft that is being deserted because it's getting unsafe. Or it's no longer environmentally sound. Or it's got some new owners. Or something. Whatever the metaphor, they're down there. Those posts are treasures waiting to be discovered, but they are going to be invisible from the surface. Look for them.

Each post is a lovely stand-alone essay, but taken as a whole they speak volumes. In between the great things and gulag days, there are summer fevers and gymnastics classes and dozens of other posts, each with moments or metaphors or individual sentences that take my breath away. I think nearly every week I was moved to laugh AND blink back a tear. And while that might simply say something about how I'm typically fairing mid-week, I think it really says more about Catherine's ability to witness the events in her life, to sift through them with an uncannily sightful eye, and to create such powerful written records of the meaning she finds therein.

The pear cake metaphor has been on my mind all week. "'It's not that I want pear cake, Mama. It's that I don't want you to leave.' Indeed." Indeed! I can't tell you how many times during this last week I've whispered "pear cake" in my head, as a gentle reminder to myself.

And it's often this way -- Catherine's words stay with me. They're filling. She's the fiber in a sea of bloggy junk food. I crave both, delight in both, savor both...but know that the fiber is what will keep me going. Or...not. (heh, heh.) (Which then makes me recall the stool softener pot roast recipe.) Perhaps she's the protein. She's meaty; gives you lots to chew on. Or a complex carb? Energizes you for the long haul. Meh. Either way, we're back to the power of Catherine's words. And food!! And --Ta Da! -- I neatly brought it all back full circle!

So back to the point I was starting to make, which is how her words have staying power. For me, one of the most powerful posts in the old blog was The Invisible Woman. I remember this description well, all this time later, because it's just so accurate for me. I feel myself blanking intentionally, mentally exiting my body,...the building,...my life. And it's so shocking to have someone name it, to call me out on it, because even though it's accurate, I hadn't fully realized I was doing it. (And once I saw it, I was additionally ashamed to realize how much resentment and annoyance filled my invisible moments.) Thanks to that post, I have become more aware of my tendency to disappear. I do it less. And when I do still find myself really needing to slip away, I now try to do it more gracefully, floating off to a quiet place where I can reflect & recoup for a moment, returning ready for the next round.

I browsed through The Dalai Mama archives to find the link to the Invisible Woman post, and was surprised to find it all the way back in November 2006! And it had something to do with a copper cylinder, which I certainly didn't recall. And I was surprised to find it was much shorter than I remembered. (And, actually, much more positive than I remembered.) But the concept was there. The wanting to disappear during the mind-numbing moments of parenthood. So, I'm almost certain that's the post I'm thinking of. And, plus -- really, how many entries on INVISIBILITY can one person write? (cough, cough)

Which all just goes to show how meaningful blogs can be. (When you get deeper than fanny packs & crazy talk, that is.) How reading someone else's thoughts can open up your own. How finding the right words at the right time truly is "as if a hand has come out and taken yours," like she said (which someone else said). How a person you've never even met can inspire you to become a better you. How amazing this internet stuff really is.

But don't just take my word for it. Go. Read.*** You'll be glad you did.

-----

*I made a last-minute attempt at color-coding my quotes & links here, because I am referencing SO MANY and didn't want to send you off on so many wild goose chases, impelling you to click hither and yon only to find you had already been there. So...if the color is the same, the link is the same. Just trying to provide a few "footnotes" and to simplify. (any other spots that sound suspiciously lovely were probably supposed to be color-coded, too; not intending to plagiarize, just trying to get to bed)

**I deleted the following paragraph, because it is so over-the-top. But it kind of cracks me up, and it is sort of how I see her. So I'm pasting it here:

It's as if she's determined to put together a puzzle that she is absolutely loves -- not only because of the completed image it will make, but because of all the beautiful shapes and colors of each distinctly individual, vitally important piece. Some days she can't get many pieces to fit easily, or doesn't have enough time to work on it, and
gets frustrated. But she's able to say -- "Wow, this is a challenging puzzle! That took so much concentration & patience today, but I really just love this puzzle! Tomorrow I'm going to try to put another lovely piece in place. But if I find I still can't get very far, I'll just make a pot of tea and hum a tune and spend some time fondly gazing at
the amazing pieces!"
But me? Well, I'm more likely to have a small fit. To dramatically brush all the pieces to the floor with my arm. To break up the sections I already completed and throw them, hostilely, back into the box. To curse the ridiculousness and wrongness of certain pieces. To sigh and turn on the tv. So, yeah, she's a pretty great role model.

***Don't be put off by the baby-ish avatars accompanying the comments section on her new blog. It's an odd little quirk on that site -- and though I have never added an avatar of my own anywhere, I'm highly tempted to do so over there, just so everyone understands I'm not actually 5. Although that would require me to comment, which I have possibly done ONCE (?) over the years. I prefer to stay quietly hidden over here and then write long, rambling, gushing, then rambling again posts about how much I love her. Hmm. Again, one of the differences between her & me; she would TELL people she loved them -- or at least bake them a plum cake! -- where I would just crack a joke and then go check the local weather. So, ok. I'll leave a comment! (Because did I mention she's great? And a good influence?) I will comment and cook.

Invisibility Theme, Part III: A Stinky Halloween Mystery

2008-10-31T16:10:00.002-04:00

So there seems to be a zone of terrific weakness in my Super Power capabilities. Apparently, I can make an entire wall-mounted double oven disappear, but am utterly helpless against that which is already invisible!

There is one double cupboard in the kitchen that stinks. It just...reeks, actually. A slight, persistent, festering funk that builds up each time the doors close, and then wafts out, riding the currents straight to the closest available nose each time the doors open.

It smells like sour milk. Like old baby burp cloths. Like...a small hurl.

So, obviously, this is a problem. One, it stinks. Two, this is the cupboard in which the plates, bowls, and cups are stored, so it's a frequently-used and important one. Three, many of those dishes are plastic and somewhat absorbent of odors. Four, I can't stop imagining scenarios in which accidental projectile vomiting into a cupboard might have occurred, and it's disturbing.

(The dishes just make the most sense in that cupboard, ok? They need to stay there, in unscented peace.)

Do any of you have some advice for dealing with this invisible odor? Any Helpful Hints from Heloise? Tips from Susie Homemaker? No, seriously -- Susie! (the real one!) I bet you might know what to do! Tell me! Please?

The cupboard's been 409ed, Clorox Clean-Upped, and currently has an open box of baking soda stashed inside.

But I can still smell it, whatever it is. Just what, exactly, IS it??

Jujyfruit's Tale From the Crypt: The Legend of Stinky Hollow

I Have Discovered My Super Power! (Invisibly Busy, Part II)

2008-10-28T23:15:00.003-04:00

Step right up, ladies & gentlemen! Don't be shy. This is something you won't want to miss. Prepare to be astonished & amazed with incredible tales of miraculous feats...

I have discovered my Super Power!

I've been hard at work the last few weeks, honing my newfound power to a razor-sharp point. And today I'm finally prepared to share the news with all of you.

I possess the power of invisibility: I can make things disappear.

I suspect you are going to find all of this pretty hard to believe, but I think you will become a believer when I show you the PROOF of these wild claims, right before your very eyes.

So what is the proof that I claim to have? Photos, people. 100% genuine, un-retouched photos. This is not trick photography. I don't even own Photoshop.

Look at the evidence and see for yourself.

Remember the poison ivy ? Well, it's gone. POOF!

The unsightly and hazardous power lines previously sagging low across the back yard are now invisible. Shazam!

Do you see what you can no longer see?!

The unnecessary poles and pipes were still visible after the power lines disappeared: but, Abracadabra -- now they're gone! (Along with an unnecessary chimney which vanished all the way from the floor of the basement to the top of the roof.)

(And, by the way? The hole in the roof caused by a fallen branch? It's gone, too.)

Next, I made the old cabinet in the master bathroom disappear!

Old One

And INSIDE the Old One...

No, seriously, that was inside. For realsies.

That was an impressive disappearing act, yes, but listen to this: I then made a sleek new one appear in its place. (I didn't even know I could do that!)

Voila!

The seeping toilet with corresponding rotten floor, leaky sewer line, moldy mildew, and unrelenting stink -- vanished! Look:

Rot turned invisible!

And the hole created by that trick is gone, now, too. See?

Vanished Hole!

I've been fiddling with my Super Power in the kitchen, too. At first glance, things seem pretty much the same still...but if you look closely, you will see that one by one, items have been disappearing and reappearing all over the place.

Here are some "Before" and "After"* photos in which I have pointed out a few of the changes.

Before

After

Before

After

Once the refrigerator disappeared from its original spot, I decided to make some additional stuff vanish from another area, which would then provide space for a different fridge. Watch!

Original weird space...

...which all turned invisible...

...and then I made those holes disappear, too!

All the dirt & grimy corner crud in this house has VANISHED!

Oh, wait. Never mind. Seems it's, uh...back again. (gag)

Well, then. Moving right along!

The stairway leading to the basement had a very low ceiling that created a head-bumping hazard, so I employed my magic powers...and now it's invisible. See?

Now you see it...

...now you don't!

And let me tell you, my Super Powers are not limited to house-related things.

I've caused some hair to disappear, too! Behold!

Before
After!

So now that I have successfully proven my powers and established your belief, let me just say that the list goes on. I don't have photos handy, but I'm telling you, it's all true.

There is now invisible coolant inside the air conditioner, and the water heater's faulty switch is gone.

The puddle in the basement from the leaking sewer line has disappeared into thin air. Curtains have vanished throughout the house, and the leaves & acorns & branches typically blanketing the yard are presently absent.

The carpet stains are now invisible, and the boxes in my room can no longer be seen.

I just made a freshly-baked pan of cookies disappear.

And if there is any doubt remaining in some corner of your mind, let me point out that you haven't been able to catch even the briefest glimpse of me on this blog lately, no matter how hard you looked! I rest my case.

I'm telling you -- this invisibility stuff is amazing!

The only problem is that performing these jaw-dropping feats and maintaining such prolonged invisibility myself is quite strenuous; therefore, I need to bring The Super Power Show to a close.

So, for my closing act, I will be making some worrisome dead tree limbs disappear...

What? No, that truck is parked there by sheer coincidence.

...and then I will make my headache disappear, in one final Super Flourish!

Hey, look over there! (gulp)

And then I think it will be time to hang up my cape for a little while...

*****

**For the record, "After" simply means after using my Power of Invisibility; my Decorating Powers have yet to be employed....! Bwahahaaaaaaa!

Jujyfruit: Rendering things invisible, one project at a time.

Invisibly Busy

2008-10-14T09:41:00.000-04:00

Is this really my first post for the month of October? How did that happen? Where has the time gone? What have I been doing??

The short answer, I suppose, is "I've been busy."

The long answer is actually the same, but followed by a list of time-taking activities that I tick off on my fingers while I sigh heavily and shrug my shoulders in helpless submission. And do you know why I feel compelled to provide that list of activities as evidential proof? It's because there is very little to show for all this alleged "busyness".

There are very few new posts to read, my in-box remains clogged with unanswered messages, few meals have been prepared, this new house looks pretty much the same (though things are happening underneath the surface!), and I'm still maneuvering around unpacked boxes here and there.

But I'm telling you, it's true: I've been busy.

Well, maybe not yesterday. Yesterday, I read a book, browsed endlessly through ebay and the blogosphere (upcoming treats for you!), and took a nap. But I maintain that that was necessary. And very productive, psychologically speaking. Especially since I got up at 3:00 A.M.!!, which is simply absurd. Coasting along in neutral was the only reasonable way to spend the day, right?

But, again, invisible.

My busyness. Let me "show" it to you:

Jujyfruit's List of Invisible Busyness That Did Not Involve Facebook or Reading or Laundry -- I've attended 6 football games, 10 cross country meets, 9 therapy appointments, 1 IEP, 2 dentist appointments, 1 doctor appointment, 1 haircut, 1 all-day conference, 1 evening workshop; had 1 birthday sleepover party for 10 and 1 weekend of houseguests; made 1 trip to Kansas; dealt with all those darn corners; and scheduled/met/waited for 11 house-related appointments to repair/install/measure/estimate/remove.

I've variously been without water, electricity, TV, internet, phone, dryer, microwave, and oven at various points. We are down one toilet right now. The floor is missing in parts of the kitchen.

There was no hurricane or tragedy or life-threatening emergency. Everything's chugging along just fine -- only busy.

And, yes, I completely realize that many of you out there can top my List of Busyness with one month tied behind your back. But this is a stretch for me.

The good news is, the kids' sport seasons are nearly over, which will free up several days each week.

(Don't get me wrong -- it was great fun to watch them, and I was thrilled that they each had such enjoyable and successful seasons. But I wouldn't mind sleeping in and lounging around on Saturday mornings, or watching Survivor some time, or eating an actual homecooked meal all together once in a while. And Junior could sure use some more down time...but that's a whole 'nother story.)

In addition, since much of the invisible house stuff is now nearly done, we can move on to the visible stuff soon! I want to see change. I want results. I want paint.

I'm not looking for pity. I'm not looking for one-uppances or challenges in the Who Works Harder competition.

What I'm looking for is someone to come unpack the rest of my clothes. And figure out where to put all the old office stuff. And deal with my makeup.

Hey, don't judge! I just moved, you know. It's only been....(shuffling calendar pages)...wha??

6 1/2 weeks?!?

Oh.

Name That Pharmaceutical!

2008-09-30T13:45:00.001-04:00

And now it's time to play a little game I like to call Name That Pharmaceutical!

Contestants ready?

Here's your first clue:

It's not a vitamin. It's not an aspirin. The flip side, very curiously, simply says "Dan Dan".

Anybody have a guess?

No? Well, then, here's your second clue:

And if you're still stumped, here's your third and final clue:

If you answered "What is Prednisone?" then you are a winner! (cue confetti)

Apparently we have a wee bit o' poison ivy growing around the edges of our yard. It's actually SO IMPRESSIVELY LARGE that it doesn't even look like poison ivy...but trust me, IT IS.

And if one should happen to be playing catch, and if the ball should happen to land in the nether regions of our yard, and if one should happen to retrieve the ball and then proceed to rub one's eye and scratch one's ear, then one is likely to need a strong course of Prednisone to relieve the swollen, itchy, infected areas...

...especially if this situation were to occur right before school picture day!

Just ask my oldest son. He'll readily concur.

"Say cheese!"

Ugly Mug Coffee (A Fun Way to Start Your Day!)

2008-09-23T08:00:00.005-04:00

How about a break from all that house business? It's time for another Product Review!

I was scanning the grocery store shelves for my usual brand of coffee, when something new caught my eye. The bag was attractive, the description was witty, and it was packaged with a handy metal clip on top! I was immediately hooked and bought my first bag of Ugly Mug coffee. (Excellent job, marketing department! I give you an A+.)

Forget about reading the back of your cereal box in the morning -- you need to read this bag of coffee!

Here's the front, with its inspired metal clip...

...here's one side...

...and the other side (gotta love the bedhead)...

...and the back, with a description that sealed the deal for me.

I came home and googled these guys, because my curiosity was piqued. There is a great website at uglymugcoffee.com, again very impressive for its marketing, but also because of the company's history and mission and genuine likability factor.

Plus there is even a place to send in your own personal bedhead photos! I mean, really -- do you have any idea how much I love a crazy detail like that?

For those of you who have not yet HAD your morning coffee, and therefore find it too overwhelming to go check the place out for yourselves or to follow this link to view more catchy ads, I will paste a couple examples here.

and

So how does the coffee TASTE? Well,...like coffee! But I'm afraid that it isn't the best coffee I've ever had. I WANT to love this stuff. I really really want to.

But if I'm totally honest, the "First Cup" blend I tried tastes a little dusty.

My solution was to make it extra strong, and then add so much cream and sugar that it was impossible NOT to love it. But I can't drink mugs of warm coffee-flavored ice cream every morning.

Is there anyone out there who can recommend a different blend of Ugly Mug for me to try? A bold, rich, buttery blend? One that tickles my coffee bone AND my tastebuds?

I would love to be able to fully endorse this stuff.

Seriously -- I even have my photo ready!

For the time being, I give Ugly Mug Coffee an overall rating of 3 Jujyfruits...though I truly hope I find a reason to raise that to a solid 5 some day!

Ugly Mug Coffee: 3 Jujyfruits

V-I-C-T-O-R-Y! (That's the Fruity Battle Cry)

2008-09-20T00:00:00.001-04:00

I would like to take a moment to state once again, for the record, how incredibly frustrated I am by my internet connection at this new house!

That last post? That long-awaited, silly, unimportant glop of drivel that I finally dumped on a plate and offered up to you, my faithful readers? Took an unbelievably loooooooooong time to produce.

My "quick little idea" turned into an agonizing 3-day Battle of Will, filled with lost links, unsaved changes, frozen screens, and computer re-starts.

And while the original idea may have lost a bit of its fresh-fruit scent by the end (I did concede defeat on several issues), I am thrilled to announce that I WON!!

I was hoping to remain undefeated this season, but according to my official scorekeeping records, this latest victory brings the current tally to Jujyfruit: 2 - Verizon: 5.

(Unless you also count the posts which were fully composed in my head that Verizon refused to extract via direct brain uplink....which would actually bring the tally closer to Jujyfruit: 2 - Verizon: 86. But Verizon claims it's "not really fair" to include those. Whatever.)

Now that I have completed my endzone victory dance, however, I am dismayed to discover that my previously undisputed win was tainted. That entry posted without the final changes, full of typos and incorrect words and stuff that is really bugging me...and yet my blogger account claims that the post technically DOES NOT EXIST. That's right: although the post is available online to the public-at-large, I am personally unable to access it.

Which begs the age-old question, "If a blog posts in the forest, and nobody is there to edit it, does it make a sound?"

(And also, "Is it time to run my virus detector?")

I really don't know what's going on here, but I am gonna count it as a victory nonetheless!

So, please to ignore the typos and posits.

The one thing I DO know is, it ain't over yet, folks! I'm stubborn by nature (and people love to root for the underdog, right?) so come on out and show your support. It's gonna be an exciting season, chock full of drama and intrigue.

It's like Must-See-TV, but with computers! And reading!

And now I've lost track of my metaphors...was this about sports or season premieres?

Aw, like it matters. (sigh) Verizon's just gonna post what it wants to, anyway.

Testing, tErstiNg, 1 - 2 - 3#3#3#33333333!@#

Tap, Tap. (Am I on?)

**Jujyfruit: Not quite as fresh, but equally nutritious**

Fruity Tutorial: An Introduction to Corners

2008-09-19T14:05:00.011-04:00

Good morning, class!

Today we are going to learn about a very important thing called CORNERS.

Do you know what corners are?

Yes -- you in the back! The one wth the feed reader. Go ahead! (And speak loudly so everyone else can hear you.)

(photo)

Um, no, I'm sorry...that's not actually a corner.

Let's see. Anyone else?

How about you? Yes, you -- the lurker over there in the corner, lingering near the comments section. Do you know what a corner is?

(photo)

Oh!

I see. Well, I understand why you were hiding now, but, no, I'm sorry -- that's not a corner, either.

THESE are corners:

(photo)

When will you ever use this information in real life, you doubtfully ask? Well, I'm getting to posit that unless you live in one of these, you need to know about corners.

(photo)

Because most houses HAVE corners, you see. That's right, wherever you see edges and angles meeting, you are likely to find a corner.

Because if you don't know about corners, and then you go and sell your house, and the new people who move in DO know...well, there are bound to be some sticky areas in that transaction.

Some hairy, crumb-filled, cob-webbed, sticky areas.

Like this.

And this.
Or this.
And even this.

Now that last particular example of a corner comes from a window sill.

It's very important to remember, class, that each window actually has FOUR corners. And so, IF (hypothetically speaking), one's new house has 26 main windows, then there are actually 104 corners just like that one -- from the windows alone!

On the inside.

And rooms? Why, rooms have AT LEAST four corners...but often times there are more than four.

Many, many, MANY more!

So please, students, PLEASE think about what we have discussed here today.

It's time to educate ourselves, and to think about corners for a change. Each and every one of you has the ability to truly make a difference -- not only for today, but also for the future!

Let's clean up this great nation of ours, one corner at a time.

This Is the House That Jujy Bought (Mother Goose Revisited)

2008-09-05T11:25:00.001-04:00

This is the house that Jujy bought.

This is a pile
That lay in the house that Jujy bought.

This is the tub
That used the tile(!!), stacked in a pile,
That lay in the house that Jujy bought.

This is the pot
That matches the tub,
That used the tile, stacked in a pile,
That lay in the house that Jujy bought.

This is a shoe
That was scrubbed in the tub, all hideous pink,
That matches the pot (and also the sink),
That used the tile, stacked in a pile,
That lay in the house that Jujy bought.

This was a log that was left by the dog,
That got the shoe all covered in poo,
That was scrubbed in the tub, all hideous pink,
That matches the pot (and also the sink),
That used the tile, stacked in a pile,
That lay in the house that Jujy bought.

This is Jujy, cursing and hot!
'Cause she stepped on the log that was left by the dog
That got the shoe all covered in poo,
That was scrubbed in the tub, all hideous pink,
That matches the pot (and also the sink),
That used the tile, stacked in a pile,
That lay in the house that Jujy bought.

This is the yard, with many a tree
That brings peace to Jujy, though cursing and hot
From scrubbing the filth off shoe, tub, and pot,
Who stepped in the log left by the dog,
That got the shoe all covered in poo,
That was scrubbed in the tub, all hideous pink,
That matches the pot (and also the sink),
That used the tile, stacked in a pile,
That lay in the house that Jujy bought.

This is the family, content as can be
That loves their new yard with many a tree,
Where it's peaceful as far as the eye can see,
(riddled with poo, though it may be)
That surrounds our new home,
That we all love a lot,
That brings joy to Jujy (not cursing or hot),
Who scrubbed the filth off of shoe, tub, and pot
When she stepped in the log left by the dog,
That got the shoe all covered in poo,
That was scrubbed in the tub, all hideous pink,
That matches the pot (and also the sink),
That used the tile, stacked in a pile,
That lay in the house that Jujy bought.

Goodbye, House. Goodbye, Moon. Goodbye, Room with the Red Balloon.

2008-08-28T06:25:00.008-04:00

So today's the day we move. While I've been working here behind the scenes for a while now, the literal, physical, actual moving of boxes will commence shortly! (Yay!)

Which also means my beloved computer will be unplugged shortly. In fact, according to the phone company, my internet service will be disconnected today...and will not be available again for several days. (Boo!)

I just hope I can actually finish this first.

I was brainstorming about a cute post that would parody the beloved Goodnight Moon children's book that I would call Goodbye Moon. I couldn't remember all the words, because it's been a while since I've read that one to anybody. So, I googled the text, and up popped this link to a New York Times Op/Ed piece that made me giggle...

...and since I don't have time this morning to take matching photos or come up with new words to complete the book theme, let's just say that it was a really good idea and move on! Go read the link instead.

Catch ya on the flip side.

This One's For You, Mom...

2008-08-28T06:16:00.003-04:00

I woke up this morning with a nosebleed.

I'm pretty sure it's because I said "damn" in last night's post.

Regretful? No.... Disheartened? Yes.

2008-08-27T23:11:00.002-04:00

We got the keys to the new house tonight, so took the kids over for a little walk-through and family house-warming party.

I looked up "House Cleansing" and various and sundry other New House Blah-di-blah Traditions and made up a list of things I decided we would do the night before our big move. I had a whole little ceremony planned for our family that included bits and pieces from a variety of cultures and traditions, all Jujyfruitized appropriately.

For example, we followed the feng shui recommendation to boil water for tea and rice so we could share a meal together...by bringing Happy Meals from McDonald's to eat picnic-style on the floor of our new home. (Get it? HAPPY Meals, which add an attitudinal statement in addition to paying homage to the tradition of food and fellowship first. Plus? Easy.)

We dried sage today (in the microwave -- again with the Jujyfruitized version) and brought a stick of cedar (from my husband's siding company!) to burn and we "smudged" the house, as a nod to rituals the Native Americans have long used to cleanse and protect.

We brought a live plant to the house, to symbolize new life and growth. What's more, the plant was a pot of mint dug from my brother's yard for the kids to transplant in our new yard, so there was the added symbolism of family and connections and roots which grow and prosper and spread.

We each had tiny candles to carry from room to room as together we spread the "house-warming glow" and offered prayers and hopes and dreams to be carried up in the smoke (a Thai tradition).

I had a bottle of wine (a Jujyfruit tradition) with which to toast the future. (I came across the wine today as I was packing up the kitchen, and noticed the Turning Leaf label. Now I realize this may not be the fanciest of wines, but the label jumped out at me because we are in the process of turning over a new leaf! Auspicious, yes? So the wine became a part of the bag o' house-warming stuff, too.)

Bubbs had his special rock and lucky key along for the ceremony.

We had our positive attitudes. I told everyone that I read that all negative energy (e.g., bickering, criticizing, pessimism) should be left outside the front door, as we were entering our new home for a fresh start and wanted it to be positive.

Now, you know what they say about good intentions....

The kids were more interested in their Happy Meal toys than in my little inspirational talk about how we can change anything we want in this house -- from wallpaper and walls themselves, to who we are and who we want to become, both individually AND as a family. I encouraged them to focus on their goals and dreams and picture what they wanted to achieve while we live there.

The kids silently chewed while staring at the fast food bag, played with the beeping R2-D2 toy, and scooted around the floor while dragging a cheeseburger behind, respectively. (I'll let you guess which kid did what.)

My inspiring talk ended when chocolate milk sprayed all over my left calf.

Then, also, the sage kept dropping burning bits on the floors. The candles worked well until suddenly dripping hot wax on our fingers. Yes, the shouting, stomping pain literally went from person to person in the order we had lit them, mere seconds apart. The Meaningful Wine was greatly appreciated, but we had two vehicles to drive back to our old house, so we didn't drink much of it. Junior shattered two of the little glass candle holders on the driveway, had TWO separate stinky diapers, and someone else (who shall remain unnamed, BUT IT WASN'T ME!) had an urgent bathroom call also, in this empty house with no toilet paper!

Now, let me just take a moment to say that I tried so, so, SO hard to focus on the good things and stay really positive...because those incidents I mentioned above really aren't that abnormal. I mean, I didn't consider them omens, or anything: that's just pretty much how we roll.

But the thing that I had a really hard time with was the house itself. I was making a conscious effort to only bring my best self in, but -- gag! -- the house is dirty!!

I'm talking grime and gunk in every corner. I'm talking cobwebs you could lay an egg on. I'm talking PEE & PUBES ON THE TOILET!! Stinky, yucky, DIRTY! (Put it this way: when Junior kept setting his cheeseburger on the carpet during our Feng Shui picnic, I was worried about the cheeseburger instead of the carpet!)

I was (am) so discouraged. I didn't have the sellers pegged for the neat overachieving type, so wasn't completely surprised...but seriously, don't you at least SWEEP THE DAMN FLOOR before you leave??

Guess I'm mad, too, eh? (And apparently this glass of Meaningful Wine I brought back to the old house to guzzle helps the anger bubble to the surface ever-so-smoothly. (Until it begins to froth and boil and crash to the surface in an unstoppable tsunami of bitterness, that is!)

I really thought seeing the house WITHOUT all the sellers' stuff would make me feel even more secure in our purchase...but instead I am freaking out.

I know, I KNOW -- very few people actually live in their dream house, and it's fine if I'm not, either. (And this new home is a pretty safe bet. I mean, WORST case scenario -- we decide we don't like living there, we fix it up, sell it in a few years,... I KNOW we could make money on it. It would sell, because it has a great location and tons of potential.)

But the house really needs some TLC, and my T is all dried up for the month, and my L is directed elsewhere at the moment, and I frankly don't C tonight.

I was so excited earlier today...and now I'm just tired.

OK. I have vented. The Meaningful Wine is helping my vision of the future to reappear. (It's also helping my eyes to droop, and making me yearn for bed.)

It will be fine. Really, it will. This move is a good thing.

Not an EASY thing, but a GOOD thing.

It's just like I told the kids -- we can change anything in our new place.

Right?!?

A Right Jolly Old God

2008-08-23T07:34:00.002-04:00

Junior was looking at a book, and he came over to me with an excited sparkle of recognition in his eye, pointed to a white-haired, bearded illustration of God...and then delightedly exclaimed, "Ho! Ho! Ho!"

I'm gonna take that as a sign that it's time to go back to church; our summer hiatus is over.

A Hot Square Meal...and Other Important News

2008-08-21T17:00:00.001-04:00

Take a look at our menu tonight. It's a smorgasbord of savories! A rainbow of rarities!

....A bounty of boxes. A jumble of junk.

But still, it is a hot square meal! Well, ok...a hot rectangle. See?

...a hot, rectangle meal with a couple of circles thrown in so it is balanced.

There's a reason we're eating like this tonight: I'm trying to clean out the freezer.

And why am I suddenly interested in cleaning out the freezer?

It's because of a little thing I like to call "WE ARE MOVING!" Yep, the rumors are true. I've been waiting to post about this until all the last-minute scares and negotiations and loan approvals were neatly signed, sealed, and delivered. (Which they finally were, as of Monday night.)

One week from today, we will be waking up in an entirely different house. In an entirely different neighborhood. In the very same town.

There will be plenty of posts about this change, I'm sure, but for now I've got to keep moving along here! (pun intended)

Much of our stuff already looks like this:

...but there are still a lot of empty boxes waiting to be filled.

Posting may be light for a bit, while I finish clearing out of this house and settling into the new one.

But don't leave! Back in a sec!

Product Review: Alphabet-Shaped Pretzels

2008-08-18T14:28:00.003-04:00

I realized in looking back over my description of this blog, I mentioned that I love to find bargains and deals, but I have yet to feature any of these in my posts! So it's high time to include a few items in this category.

For my first product recommendation, I offer the perfect Back-To-School snack: Meijer Alphabet Shaped Pretzels. They taste like regular old pretzels, if perhaps not as thin and crunchy as the gold standard (Rold Gold Pretzel Sticks, IMHO). But pretzels? It's hard to go wrong with any brand, frankly, and the sheer fun that these alphabet shapes offer is well worth any difference in taste or crunch.

Of course, these pretzels are a wonderful snack for younger kids who are still learning the alphabet; Junior loves to discover one of his favorite letters while munching on a bowl of these. And I think they make an excellent choice for a classroom snack offering, if you happen to get requests from your kids' teachers (as I do), since they are fairly healthy, AND educational, AND cheap ($1.59 for a 15-oz. bag).

But the other thing these pretzels have going for them is the bonus entertainment factor they provide for older kids. Kids who are able to spell words and write phrases. Kids who like things snarky...

Kids like ME!

The possibilities are endless! Just think of all you could do with this little bag o' fun:

Do your kids ever complain about the snack you give them?

Do they ever tell you they're not hungry for the item on their plates?

Do they ever request something completely different than what you've already prepared?

Well, now parents have a fun and creative way to make a statement, let the kids know their options, or let off some steam, while at the same time providing a quick and easy after-school snack!

Or, of course, you could use them to help your children practice the alphabet or work on weekly spelling words...

...or to, ya know, leave messages like "Enjoy your snack," or "Hope you had a good day," or "I love you."

(Hunh! I guess these pretzels really would work for that, too, wouldn't they?!)

Please excuse me now...I need to quickly go change something before the kids get home!!

*******

Product Rating: 4.5 Jujyfruits