Showing posts with label Growing Up and Growing Old. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Growing Up and Growing Old. Show all posts

Saturday, October 31, 2009

Evil Brackets of Doom!

Here's a scary Halloween horror for you...


Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!! (Thanks, Picnik)

My daughter got braces. Right before Halloween. Which means not much Halloween candy for her! Evil, isn't it?!

And if that's not creepy enough for you, she also got horrid metal hooks glued to the back of her front teeth. They are supposed to keep her from accidentally biting the brackets off her lower front teeth...but the side effect is that she can't fully bite down at all. Anywhere. Which means not much chewing or biting or eating in general! I'm spooked.

And do you know what is even spookier than THAT??

...THE BILL!
*blood-curdling scream*

(It's the stuff of nightmares.
)
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Monday, March 23, 2009

It's My Birthday!

I'm 39 years old today.

I think the years are beginning to show.

Grow old along with me at Age-O-Matic...

...and send your results to jujyfruitmcgee@gmail.com.

I think that might make me feel better.

Monday, December 22, 2008

The Earliest Works of a Painter-To-Be?

Actual bit of conversation that took place while my daughter and I were painting Junior's room the other day...

Tootsie: (discussing a friend from school) ...So, yeah, she says she wants to be a lawyer when she grows up. A lawyer! I do NOT get that!! Why would anyone want to be a lawyer??

me: Well, lawyers usually enjoy arguing sides, and doing lots of reading & research, and trying to make sure things are fair. So if she enjoys doing those kind of things, she'd probably be a good lawyer.

Tootsie: Yeah, she does like to...WAIT, did you hear that?!? Listen!

me: (worried) What?!

Tootsie: The PAINT! Wait -- ok, don't move. Listen!

(she rolls the freshly-loader paint roller slowly up and down a patch of wall again)

Tootsie: Ooooo, I LOVE that sound! Don't you?!

me: (grinning to myself) Yeah, I like to paint. I love seeing an entire room change just like that.

Tootsie: But doesn't it sound so neat?? Do you hear it?!

me: I do. It sounds kind of...juicy.

Tootsie: Huh, yeah, it just sounds so cool! I love that sound!! And look at it -- doesn't that look so neat, how it just goes like that? Look at this!

me: (amused by her enthusiasm) I bought an extra thick roller because this wall is textured, and it holds a lot of paint to help get in all those cracks. It is louder than normal -- because there's so much paint soaked into the roller.

Tootsie: (continuing) Yeah, so my friend wants to be a lawyer but....Wait a minute...where am I?!? Oh! (chuckling) For a minute there I couldn't remember what corner of the room I was in!! Heh! That was so weird. I need more paint!

me: ...?!? (bemusedly turning to watch her take a few steps to the paint tray)

Tootsie: (finding the paint tray and rolling and rolling to reload again) ...But I just don't get why anyone would want to be a lawyer. Ooooo, listen to it now!! I would hate to end up being a lawyer!

me: (trying not to laugh) Umm...well, I don't think you should worry too much about that happening...

Tootsie: Hey!! (looking up) Are you laughing at me?

me: Well, I am a little...it's just that you kind of sound more like a painter than a lawyer to me! (grinning) And I think I also probably need to open up a window and try to get a little more fresh air in here now....

Sunday, December 7, 2008

Meh.

You heard it's official, right? That "meh" is now in the dictionary?* That's helpful, because I'm using it a lot these days. (Also, I'm glad to hear the ever-useful "heh" is getting the notice it deserves; I'm a heavy user of that one, what with my frequent need for sarcasm or to sort of - kind of laugh, while simultaneously conveying that I'm a bit meh about it, and all.)

I feel the need to acknowledge my lack of posting lately. I continue to have a list of great ideas, but can't seem to get around to making them happen! It's partly the ongoing computer frustrations, partly lingering house stuff, partly general busyness, but it's mainly due to an ongoing period of meh-ness I seem to find myself in.

And as evidence of that theory, I will half-heartedly cut-and-paste this email I sent to a group of internet friends recently:
Hello, all. I've been checking in, but pretty much incommunicado lately. Don't know why exactly. I've been generally in a weird place these past weeks (months?). I don't really feel depressed, but just totally stuck. Definitely aimless, very nonproductive. Peaceful, with a touch of bitter. There needs to be a word for that in the English vocabulary, because it seems to be a fairly common state for me.

I think part of it is this new house. So much adrenalin to get here and through the initial icky stuff, but now I'm just immobilized. There are boxes I can't bring myself to unpack, paint colors I can't seem to select,pictures I don't know where to hang. But maybe the house is just a reflection of ME. Because I really do like being here, and am so much more relaxed. Perhaps its similar to D's situation: I've relaxed my emotional tone to the extent that I'm forgetting to...uh, well...MOVE, in my case. It sounds like a good thing on the surface, but there are things that really SHOULD be happening that just are NOT. I don't know what I'm doing with myself these days, and if you watched me on a time-lapse video, you wouldn't either.

This morning I was supposed to be going in to school to help roll out and cut gingerbread house pieces. Great idea, but they are making 52!! Sounded fun when I signed up, but was dreading it this morning. Then B woke up and said his stomach hurt and he's staying home from school today. Which means I am, too! And instead of being disappointed, I have been thrilled at this turn of events! Seriously warped that this would make my day.

So what will I do with these extra hours? Well...likely nothing. sigh.


See? Meh.

I'm thinking I should probably change the sidebar photo of me to one of these options:

( No, I didn't get a fresh new spunky haircut. That would indicate decidedly more intent and action than I have now, wouldn't it? We meh folks prefer to just leave stuff as is.)

I found these photos in an old file from 2006. And WOWIE WOW WOW have I aged in 2 years...!!** Current photos show a marked wrinkle between my eyes. Apparently I've had a chronically furrowed brow for 2 years straight, or something. Huh. And the bags under my eyes are now big enough to carry home some of that Christmas shopping I need to do. Not presents, of course -- they aren't that bad -- but I could definitely tote some stocking stuffer items around.

Now, in all fairness, I also have gained quite a few laugh lines around my eyes. I view that as a positive. I'm gonna focus on those.

So there you go. I slathered a nice, uncomfortable layer of seasonal meh all over the place just for you! Happy Holidays! (heh.)

But the nice thing is that typing all this helped me see what I need to do to move forward: I need to do whatever it is that will help create more of the laugh line wrinkles, and fewer of the furrowed brow ones.

The rest will follow.

****

*Just an F.Y.I. -- Blogger's SpellChecking Button didn't get the memo yet.

** It's possible that the middle-aged acne I've been experiencing could help offset the wrinkled effect and impart a certain youthfulness about me...but that might just be wishful thinking.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Seriously??

It is 9:27 p.m.

I was just in the bathroom, washing my face, and preparing to brush my teeth...when I looked in the mirror and realized that I had a piece of spinach stuck in between my two front teeth.

I ate spinach salad SEVEN HOURS AGO.

Seriously?!?

I sat down to write an entirely different post,...but come on, people! Seven hours?!

Instead of posting, I am now going to crawl under the covers and make up for those 7 Hours of Ignorant Bliss by fretting and stewing in extremely concentrated doses for the next 30 minutes!

Or until I fall asleep!

Whichever comes first.

Friday, August 1, 2008

A Moustache and Garanimals

August 1, 2008


Dear Middle School,

It has come to my attention that my daughter, Tootsie McGee, is listed on your roster as an incoming 6th grader for the 2008-09 school year.

Are you absolutely sure this listing is correct? I am aware that she has completed all educational standards required in area elementary schools, and, in fact, has done so with flying colors. So I understand why the powers that be might be under the impression that she is ready to transfer to your hallowed halls.

But can we talk?

I accompanied Tootsie to the sports registration night held in your main office last night, and several things made me question her school assignment as it now stands.

First of all, when I announced her name (Tootsie McGee) loudly in the office, everyone started to giggle and point at her. Ok, you're right, that one is totally my fault. Forget I mentioned it.

Let me start over.

First of all, before we even entered the office, we had to verify that she was going into the 6th Grade, and therefore was not required to watch the Anti-Drug Educational Video like the 7th & 8th Graders were; she merely needed to sign a form agreeing that she would abide by the school's Anti-Drug and Alcohol Policy. Are you serious? Have we already reached That Stage? That stage of cell phones and bubblegum, MySpace and peer pressure, pre-teen drug and alcohol use, Jamie Lynn Spears and birth control? Plus, not to mention, -- when did she start needing to read the fine print for herself and sign her own signature on papers??

I feel a little dizzy, but I will try to finish this letter.

The second item that concerned me as I waited in line last night was the general appearance of all the children adults teenagers waiting along with us. I had to verify that we were, in fact, in the correct line to sign up for 6th Grade Cross Country. That it wasn't actually the BMV License Branch waiting line, or the Free Moustache Shaver line, or the Ginormous Bras and Free Proactiv Solution line. While I was assured WE were in the proper line, I'm still not completely convinced everybody else was. But if indeed the information was accurate, let me just say that I am very, very glad I didn't dress her in her Garanimals last night!* And that I allowed her to tie her own shoes.**

I am aware that one should never judge a book by its cover, and while I freely admit to doing that all the time anyway, I try very hard not to judge by appearance when it comes to humans. So, taking into account all the hormone-laced milk and human-growth-factor-filled chicken these young adults have likely eaten in their brief-yet-obviously-long-enough lifetimes, I decided to close my eyes and just listen to the happy chatter of excited middle school students. Let me just tell you, Middle School, my eyes flew right back open at the offensive language freely flowing from the mouth of the allegedly pre-teen man behind us while he carried on a conversation with his wife mom. And, what's more, the words were issued forth in a decidedly bass voice. And I'm pretty sure I saw a moustache.

So, in summary, I am requesting a full review of all paperwork pertaining to my daughter's middle school placement. I need additional verification that this assignment is, in fact, correct.

And while you're reviewing, please keep in mind that this is the same child who, yesterday, asked me if we had any milk, and when I replied yes, asked me where it was.

Thank you for your prompt attention to this matter.

Respectfully Yours,
Jujyfruit McGee, Concerned Parent



*While this entire post will likely cause my daughter considerable embarrassment, let me at least state for the record that she does not in fact own Garanimals. That was purely a mother, mourning The Loss of Innocence, taking a bit of literary license to illustrate a point.


** Ditto.

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

How to Pack for Summer Camp

So here's an interesting discovery I made this morning: boys need very very little to survive at camp for a week. I knew as I was packing that I included more clothes than my son really needed for 5 nights away from home...but I was planning for the possibility of cold nights, hot days, rain, mud,...perhaps even changing clothes.

Near as I can tell, this little pile on the left represents the dirty stuff. (Oh, plus one towel...not sure if it was used for the beach or for a shower, though...or possibly for both?) The bag on the right is still largely filled with clean stuff.

And I have one other little thing I'm wondering about. Do you think this travel-sized toothpaste looks like it was used twice a day for 5 days? I'm thinking maybe not...

Ah, details, schmetails! He had a great time, so it's all good, right?
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Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Footloose and Fancy Free!

Last night was quite the wild and carefree evening! The two older kids were at summer camp, and we dropped off Junior for a little sleepover at grandma's house. (Turns out there was no sleeping -- it was more of a stopover at grandma's house. But that's a whole 'nother story...)

So what do a couple of unfettered middle-aged folks do on a rare evening out like this? Why, dinner and a movie, of course! Now don't get me wrong, we both manage to get out a fair amount...it's just usually more of a tag-team situation. One of us is home, one with the kids. Or we do have a sitter, but in the back of our minds we are wondering how it's going for her. Or we are with a group of people. But just the TWO of us? Alone?! That rarely happens.

We decided to go eat at a nice local restaurant we've been wanting to try. Pops bought a gift certificate at a fundraiser last November, and it seemed like we finally had the perfect opportunity to go use it.

We were ready and rarin' to go...at 4:45pm! We were so excited to hit the town that we took Junior to his grandma in the parking lot at work! No time to wait 5 more minutes and actually take him to her house, ya know. We had places to go, things to do!

We made the transfer of last remaining child, and set off with grins. I called the restaurant on my cell phone just to make sure they were open, and asked if we needed a reservation. The guy on the phone actually laughed at me and said he thought we would be fine. (I mean, seriously, 5:00pm on a Monday? Was I worried the senior crowd would have filled the place up already? This place doesn't even serve jell-o!) (heh, heh -- just kidding, mom!)

So we walk into the restaurant as they are still lighting candles on the tables and arriving for the evening shift. First ones! Whee! Bring on the party!

We ordered appetizers (shrimp cocktail and crab dip with garlic & olive oil bread crostinis). And drinks (pomegranate fruity martini thing for me). And then we proceeded to clean up every last little crumb and scrap and bit of dip on those plates! And by "we", I mean "me".

We still hadn't ordered our meals by this point. Two other tables in the restaurant had filled. I leaned into Pops and said, "I think they think we are here for a long, romantic dinner or something!" And then we giggled and giggled, because that was so funny to think about. (And by "we, I mean "me".) I mean, obviously we were there at the crack of dusk for some chow! And so we could have time for the rest of our wild evening plans!

So we ordered (herbed filet mignon dotted with homemade butter, served with grilled asparagus & chef's mashed potatoes for me) when she came back to refill our drinks (a fruity "august apple" little number this time).

When the food arrived, the presentation was lovely. It was served on white, square plates, with everything attractively arranged and garnished, finished with a colorful sprinkling of chopped parsley confetti all around the edges. I wished I had taken my camera to capture the delicious beauty.

I took my first bite, and as I was chewing, Pops said something that made me laugh. Through my nose, obviously, because I was chewing. The gust of air it produced caused some of the parsley confetti to fly off the plate and land on the tablecloth. Which made me blow-snort-laugh again! Which of course caused a second little flurry of green activity.

"This is so much fun!" I thought to myself as I sipped again on my martini and went back to speed-eating my gourmet meal.

Well, before you know it, we had both finished our entire plates. I mean, we practically licked those suckers clean! And by "we", I again mean "me". Pops's plate still had a bone on it, after all. And of course it also still had lots of green confetti. But mine? By this time, mine was bare, I tell you! A one-inch piece of asparagus stalk and a small bunch of mint garnish was all that remained. The tablecloth surrounding my plate was rather colorful, but the plate itself was impressively clean.

The waitress removed the plate, asking, "Was everything ok?"

I teasingly replied, "What does it look like?" and we all cracked up!! We just laughed and laughed! And again, by "we", I mean "me".

For dessert, I drained the last of my drink.

About this time we realized we completely forgot to order our salads. Turns out some meat and seafood and good old starch was really all we needed, though, so it was fine. We wrapped everything up (bill-paying, that is -- certainly no food left to take!) and started to leave, both deciding to visit the restroom on the way out.

The waitress was sitting just outside the bathroom doors, which were located right at the end of the bar, incidentally, where several people were sitting. The doors were unmarked, but she helpfully encouraged us, saying, "They are both either/or. Go on in!"

Unfortunately, the bathroom I chose was out of toilet paper. But there was a nice new roll on the back of the toilet, so I started to unwrap it, suddenly aware of how LOUD removing the crinkly wrapping was! And thinking everyone could probably hear it and knows that, for whatever reason, I needed more toilet paper! I gently pushed the foot pedal on the steel trash can to open the lid and dispose of the crinkly wrapper as quietly and discreetly as possible...but the lid wouldn't open. So I pushed a little harder...and the whole can tipped over and clanked loudly on the stone floor.

By now I was giggling quietly and telling myself that my audience listening a door's-width away was likely wondering if everything was ok in there and feeling bad for me since I was obviously caught up in some kind of loud & unfortunate bathroom-emergency situation. I proceeded without incident, until it came time to dispose of my hand-drying paper towels...which again required me to wrestle with the trash can.

On my way out, I noticed a neat & convenient open-topped wire trash can right by the door! Who knew?!

I noticed the waitress had discreetly moved away from the bathroom doors by the time I re-appeared. I straightened my shoulders and we waved and left and giggled our way out to the car. And by "we", I mean "me", of course.

I had a great time. Loved my meal, loved my martinis. I did really well on the "footloose" part, but I don't think I performed too well on the "fancy" part. Just add a hyphen between the words fancy and free, so that it becomes a more apt descriptor. Fancy-free: no need to use your inside voice; shoes & discretion optional.

How did the rest of our evening pan out? Well, we went home, curled up on the sofa, and watched a movie! We stayed up late -- 11:30pm!! And enjoyed deep uninterrupted sleep!! We were wild party animals, I tell you!

I love a night out on the town, but really, when you get down to it, sometimes you just can't beat staying home in an empty house.

We had a great evening. And this time, by "we", I mean "we"!

Sunday, May 4, 2008

Creature Comforts

Flipping through channels the other night, I landed on an episode of Creature Comforts. This show features a soundtrack of actual interviews with ordinary folks, which is then animated using a variety of clay-mation critters. I'm telling you, the way these producers transform ordinary conversations into entertainment is creative genius. Take a peek at this clip about Self-Image:




You can watch Creature Comforts on the Animal Planet channel, Thursdays at 7pm EST.
Don't miss Episodes 5 & 6, premiering on May 8th (repeated on May 9th at 1pm).

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

A Google Named Yahoo!

So if you have kids between the ages of 5-12, you probably know that yesterday was the official Webkinz Extravaganza! Our local giftshop was offering a Buy-One-Get-One Webkinz sale, so Tootsie took her babysitting money downtown to buy a new one. She chose a Google Lil' Kinz (which is supposed to be a platypus), one of the more...uh, abstract critters. Then she announced she was naming him "Yahoo!", which was pretty clever since he is a "Google". My amusement continued to grow, however, with the following conversation:

Tootsie: Does Yahoo look like a boy or a girl to you?

Me: Well....

Tootsie: 'Cause for some reason, I just think of him as a boy!

Me: Really? (trying not to giggle...or wince as she strokes it)

Tootsie: Yeah, I don't know why. What do you think he looks like? Girl or boy?

Me: Uhm.....yeah...I'm gonna go with boy...

When I started this blog, I told myself I would try not to put anything too embarrassing to anyone in here. So....well....moving right along...

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Saturday, April 26, 2008

Chaperoning 101

I spent the last 36 hours acting as a chaperone for a portion of my daughter's 5th-grade camp trip. It was actually quite fun, though rather exhausting. (Sleeping in a small cabin with 7 girls and 1 other mom in connected, CREAKY bunks while trying not to cough & sneeze all night is just not restful.) But other than the poor night's sleep, and a handful of kids out of the entire group that were just a little harder to appreciate, I really enjoyed my time there. Plus, I learned some important stuff.

For example, I learned marsh water may look really dirty and icky....

...but it's actually full of sphagnum moss and microorganisms that filter it quite efficiently, resulting in sparkling clear water you can drink. The process it goes through takes some time, but the results are impressive.

And I learned that Tootsie is not afraid of snakes, and can swing on a rope without falling, and has nimble fingers for macrame, and can paddle a canoe, and catch a fish, and is a well-mannered, smart, polite, independent kid that is easy to be around. Well, some of that I already knew, but it's always good to have my opinions supported. (and there has been a slight air of doubt surrounding one or two of those lately...)


I learned that my daughter has some really neat friends. Friends that I hope will carry over into next year when they enter the giant, overwhelming territory of Middle School together.

I learned there is an enormous range of shapes and sizes and maturity levels in her age group...and I realized that she is growing up. Fast.

It all got me thinking. We have marshy territory (so to speak) looming in our immediate future, and even though I know it can be a magical filtering time, I'm still having a hard time seeing past the potential ickiness of those teenage years to come. Murky waters of unknown depths with unfamiliar life-forms operating in an entirely different microcosm. Middle School! High School!!

I know that millions of people before us have gone down the very same path... but I'm just a bit anxious about where it might lead. What is up ahead?

I find myself wishing for a map. One of those really helpful camp maps that's labelled with distances, and difficulty levels, and time estimates, and dead ends, and short-cuts! One that has a list of what to pack, and expected weather conditions, and what to do in case of an emergency. After all, I've been through those parts before, but I'm not entirely convinced I know my way around well enough to safely lead someone else.

But, of course, there is no map like that. So I'll settle for the hope that we will be able to explore that marsh together, too, and that she will continue to let me chaperone -- quietly, watchfully, steadily in the background, ready to step in as needed.



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