Gravity Is Keeping Me Down

Gravity plus undigested Christmas goodies.

Fortunately, I was able to crawl to a soft spot near the remote control before I let gravity win.

"This just isn't going to work."

Unfortunately, I couldn't ignore the Christmas tree hovering accusingly over me, dropping shriveled up needles every now and then in its passive-aggressive attempt to gain attention.

So I decided to move my gravitational struggles to a different room. One with an equally soft spot to land, but with less responsibility looming overhead.

"Ahh, that's better..."

After wasting relaxing for the entire morning, I pulled myself up by the HDTV cables and attempted a trip to the grocery store.

Unfortunately, the car battery was dead.

"$*&$#@!!"

Exhausted by my brief exertions, I went back to bed couch and decided to order pizza for supper.

You know you haven't been cooking regularly enough when the kids groan "Pizza, again?"

"Isn't this a fun Family Movie Party Night?!"

I disguised my affliction by billing the whole thing as Family Movie Party Night!

The next day, I felt ready to attempt vertical and to attack the piles of laundry.

"$@#*%*!"

I made it through one load... and then the dryer quit working.

Unable to do laundry at home, and lacking transportation to take it elsewhere, it seemed the universe was telling me it was my DESTINY to simply get back on that couch. So I draped wet laundry over every chair in the house and peacefully followed my destiny.

This time with the remote control AND a book.

Guilt-free lethargy.

The next day, I again felt refreshed and ready to be vertically productive.

Since laundry, cooking, grocery shopping, and running any other proactive errands were still out of the question, I started a sewing project I've been meaning to work on.

"*@$%^@!! ...Seriously, am I on Punk'd??"

And -- surprise, surprise -- the sewing machine quit working.

(Later that night, my son would say to me, "It's like you have the Midas Touch, only without the gold. And everything breaks." Yes. Yes, indeed.)

I blindly attempted to fix the problem, but was unsuccessful.

So? Back to the TV. This time with snacks and drinks.

Click. Click. Click... (sigh)

...And then I remembered the Christmas tree, standing there in all its uppity judgment. Sucking the fun out of my personal staycation with its silent accusations, dripping with dusty needles and disgust.

I thought about it carefully, and realized that taking the tree down did not require transportation, or clean clothes, or food in the cupboard, or the production of a well-balanced meal or crafty project. I couldn't possibly continue to watch TV willy-nilly knowing that this task could actually be achieved.

I realized there was only one thing to do.

Zzzzzz....

...So I did it.