Friday, October 31, 2008

Invisibility Theme, Part III: A Stinky Halloween Mystery

So there seems to be a zone of terrific weakness in my Super Power capabilities. Apparently, I can make an entire wall-mounted double oven disappear, but am utterly helpless against that which is already invisible!

There is one double cupboard in the kitchen that stinks. It just...reeks, actually. A slight, persistent, festering funk that builds up each time the doors close, and then wafts out, riding the currents straight to the closest available nose each time the doors open.

It smells like sour milk. Like old baby burp cloths. Like...a small hurl.

So, obviously, this is a problem. One, it stinks. Two, this is the cupboard in which the plates, bowls, and cups are stored, so it's a frequently-used and important one. Three, many of those dishes are plastic and somewhat absorbent of odors. Four, I can't stop imagining scenarios in which accidental projectile vomiting into a cupboard might have occurred, and it's disturbing.

(The dishes just make the most sense in that cupboard, ok? They need to stay there, in unscented peace.)

Do any of you have some advice for dealing with this invisible odor? Any Helpful Hints from Heloise? Tips from Susie Homemaker? No, seriously -- Susie! (the real one!) I bet you might know what to do! Tell me! Please?

The cupboard's been 409ed, Clorox Clean-Upped, and currently has an open box of baking soda stashed inside.

But I can still smell it, whatever it is. Just what, exactly, IS it??

Jujyfruit's Tale From the Crypt: The Legend of Stinky Hollow

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

I Have Discovered My Super Power! (Invisibly Busy, Part II)

Step right up, ladies & gentlemen! Don't be shy. This is something you won't want to miss. Prepare to be astonished & amazed with incredible tales of miraculous feats...

I have discovered my Super Power!

I've been hard at work the last few weeks, honing my newfound power to a razor-sharp point. And today I'm finally prepared to share the news with all of you.

I possess the power of invisibility: I can make things disappear.

I suspect you are going to find all of this pretty hard to believe, but I think you will become a believer when I show you the PROOF of these wild claims, right before your very eyes.

So what is the proof that I claim to have? Photos, people. 100% genuine, un-retouched photos. This is not trick photography. I don't even own Photoshop.

Look at the evidence and see for yourself.

Remember the poison ivy ? Well, it's gone. POOF!

The unsightly and hazardous power lines previously sagging low across the back yard are now invisible. Shazam!

Do you see what you can no longer see?!

The unnecessary poles and pipes were still visible after the power lines disappeared: but, Abracadabra -- now they're gone! (Along with an unnecessary chimney which vanished all the way from the floor of the basement to the top of the roof.)

(And, by the way? The hole in the roof caused by a fallen branch? It's gone, too.)

Next, I made the old cabinet in the master bathroom disappear!

Old One

And INSIDE the Old One...

No, seriously, that was inside. For realsies.

That was an impressive disappearing act, yes, but listen to this: I then made a sleek new one appear in its place. (I didn't even know I could do that!)


The seeping toilet with corresponding rotten floor, leaky sewer line, moldy mildew, and unrelenting stink -- vanished! Look:

Rot turned invisible!

And the hole created by that trick is gone, now, too. See?

Vanished Hole!

I've been fiddling with my Super Power in the kitchen, too. At first glance, things seem pretty much the same still...but if you look closely, you will see that one by one, items have been disappearing and reappearing all over the place.

Here are some "Before" and "After"* photos in which I have pointed out a few of the changes.





Once the refrigerator disappeared from its original spot, I decided to make some additional stuff vanish from another area, which would then provide space for a different fridge. Watch!

Original weird space...

...which all turned invisible...

...and then I made those holes disappear, too!

All the dirt & grimy corner crud in this house has VANISHED!

Oh, wait. Never mind. Seems it's, uh...back again. (gag)

Well, then. Moving right along!

The stairway leading to the basement had a very low ceiling that created a head-bumping hazard, so I employed my magic powers...and now it's invisible. See?

Now you see it... you don't!

And let me tell you, my Super Powers are not limited to house-related things.

I've caused some hair to disappear, too! Behold!


So now that I have successfully proven my powers and established your belief, let me just say that the list goes on. I don't have photos handy, but I'm telling you, it's all true.

There is now invisible coolant inside the air conditioner, and the water heater's faulty switch is gone.
The puddle in the basement from the leaking sewer line has disappeared into thin air. Curtains have vanished throughout the house, and the leaves & acorns & branches typically blanketing the yard are presently absent.

The carpet stains are now invisible, and the boxes in my room can no longer be seen.

I just made a freshly-baked pan of cookies disappear.

And if there is any doubt remaining in some corner of your mind, let me point out that you haven't been able to catch even the briefest glimpse of me on this blog lately, no matter how hard you looked! I rest my case.

I'm telling you -- this invisibility stuff is amazing!

The only problem is that performing these jaw-dropping feats and maintaining such prolonged invisibility myself is quite strenuous; therefore, I need to bring The Super Power Show to a close.

So, for my closing act, I will be making some worrisome dead tree limbs disappear...

What? No, that truck is parked there by sheer coincidence.

...and then I will make my headache disappear, in one final Super Flourish!

Hey, look over there! (gulp)

And then I think it will be time to hang up my cape for a little while...


**For the record, "After" simply means after using my Power of Invisibility; my Decorating Powers have yet to be employed....! Bwahahaaaaaaa!

Jujyfruit: Rendering things invisible, one project at a time.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Invisibly Busy

Is this really my first post for the month of October? How did that happen? Where has the time gone? What have I been doing??

The short answer, I suppose, is "I've been busy."

The long answer is actually the same, but followed by a list of time-taking activities that I tick off on my fingers while I sigh heavily and shrug my shoulders in helpless submission. And do you know why I feel compelled to provide that list of activities as evidential proof? It's because there is very little to show for all this alleged "busyness".

There are very few new posts to read, my in-box remains clogged with unanswered messages, few meals have been prepared, this new house looks pretty much the same (though things are happening underneath the surface!), and I'm still maneuvering around unpacked boxes here and there.

But I'm telling you, it's true: I've been busy.

Well, maybe not yesterday. Yesterday, I read a book, browsed endlessly through ebay and the blogosphere (upcoming treats for you!), and took a nap. But I maintain that that was necessary. And very productive, psychologically speaking. Especially since I got up at 3:00 A.M.!!, which is simply absurd. Coasting along in neutral was the only reasonable way to spend the day, right?

But, again, invisible.

My busyness. Let me "show" it to you:

Jujyfruit's List of Invisible Busyness That Did Not Involve Facebook or Reading or Laundry -- I've attended 6 football games, 10 cross country meets, 9 therapy appointments, 1 IEP, 2 dentist appointments, 1 doctor appointment, 1 haircut, 1 all-day conference, 1 evening workshop; had 1 birthday sleepover party for 10 and 1 weekend of houseguests; made 1 trip to Kansas; dealt with all those darn corners; and scheduled/met/waited for 11 house-related appointments to repair/install/measure/estimate/remove.

I've variously been without water, electricity, TV, internet, phone, dryer, microwave, and oven at various points. We are down one toilet right now. The floor is missing in parts of the kitchen.

There was no hurricane or tragedy or life-threatening emergency. Everything's chugging along just fine -- only busy.

And, yes, I completely realize that many of you out there can top my List of Busyness with one month tied behind your back. But this is a stretch for me.

The good news is, the kids' sport seasons are nearly over, which will free up several days each week.

(Don't get me wrong -- it was great fun to watch them, and I was thrilled that they each had such enjoyable and successful seasons. But I wouldn't mind sleeping in and lounging around on Saturday mornings, or watching Survivor some time, or eating an actual homecooked meal all together once in a while. And Junior could sure use some more down time...but that's a whole 'nother story.)

In addition, since much of the invisible house stuff is now nearly done, we can move on to the visible stuff soon! I want to see change. I want results. I want paint.

I'm not looking for pity. I'm not looking for one-uppances or challenges in the Who Works Harder competition.

What I'm looking for is someone to come unpack the rest of my clothes. And figure out where to put all the old office stuff. And deal with my makeup.

Hey, don't judge! I just moved, you know. It's only been....(shuffling calendar pages)...wha??

6 1/2 weeks?!?