Low-Tech High-Tech.

I love technology as much as anyone. There are certain things I don't hesitate to purchase and can't imagine doing without. Like our TV, for example. Cable. DVD players. My laptop.

There are other sparkly high-tech things, however, that don't seem as essential to me. So even though those Christmas ads are urging you to rush out and buy the latest and greatest, let me suggest several low-tech substitutes that seem to fill the role just fine.

My technology. Let me show it to you.

This is my Palm Pilot:

It's winter now -- don't forget the nose stuff!

This is my cordless phone:

It really did work at first, but it broke. I removed the cord and left it there as decoration. Why? Because I like it.

This is my cell phone:

This one is real. In use. Seriously.

This is my PhotoShop:

I use those Cut and Paste tools all the time.

This is my BlackBerry:

I find myself fresh out of blackberries at the moment, but when I have them, they look like this. Only frozen.

This is my Cricut:

FREE to good home!

This is my GameBoy:

His favorites are Probe and football.
(Ok, we actually do have one. But I'm on a roll here!)

This is my Wii Wee.

But it will be replaced by the REAL THING on Christmas morning! Let's talk about hand cream while we wait.

This is my Segway:

Speaking of personal technology...

...what about the rest of you? Any others to add to the list? (I bet you actually do have a laptop if you really think about it.)

Brown Coat, Brown Coat, What Do You See?

(A post in which I entertain myself you by airing my dirty laundry.)

(click image to enlarge)

Breaking News: Self-Care Has Commenced!!

This just in!

We interrupt your regularly scheduled surfing to bring you the following important announcement: The Associated Press reports that Jujyfruit has, allegedly, taken a bath. To repeat, initial reports now indicate that Jujyfruit may have had a bath earlier today.

According to public record, this has not occurred since sometime during the past school year, or approximately 3-4 months ago. Rumor has it that Jujyfruit did likely shower once or twice since then, but that rumor has not yet been confirmed.

An inside source, who asked to remain anonymous, verified the bath-taking episode did indeed occur, and offered eye-witness testimony that at least some shaving-of-the-legs had most likely taken place in that bath, as well.

"[the shaving] was only to the knee, but that is a good start," said the insider, adding, "I'm just relieved she took the time to do that, because her capris can only hide so much, you know?"

Examination of the visible laundry piles seems to indicate that in addition to the calf-shaving, Jujyfruit also may have chosen to dress in capris that were, in fact, clean. Speculation continues regarding what she may be wearing with those freshly-laundered capris, as all three of her usual summer t-shirts have been located.

One neighbor suggested that Jujyfruit may, in fact, be wearing an actual blouse of some type, though cautioned that the fabric did still appear to be a basic jersey knit. I repeat, the fabric did still appear to be a basic jersey knit.

The neighbor explained,

"I heard a strange noise coming from Jujyfruit's house at about 11:30 this morning while I was out walking my dog, so I glanced at the window and I could see her in there using a hairdryer! I remember it distinctly, because it was just so unusual.
At first I thought it must be someone else -- like, maybe she had a house guest or something -- because she wasn't wearing her normal t-shirt and also because it almost looked like she had on dangly earrings and lip gloss! But then she turned her head in my direction, and I could see that it really was her! I don't know what all this means, but I just felt it was my American duty to report it. Something fishy's going on over there."

Officers on the scene hinted that there could be a connection between these current allegations and the fact that the local school system held its opening day of classes today, adding that "strange things" were happening all over town.

Authorities urge anyone possessing information about these startling turn of events to contact our Jujyfruit Hotline at 1-800-SHE-LIVES. Again, that's 1-800-SHE-LIVES.

Operators will be standing by to take your calls as we continue to investigate this matter.

Back to School!!

(my mental image brought to life with magical assistance from cornify & picnik)

I think this one pretty much speaks for itself. (grin)

Face in Hole = An Entire Afternoon Gone! (But Definitely Not Wasted.)

I love finding fun new internet sites -- especially ones that are creative, interactive, and FREE! And, boy, I stumbled across a great one yesterday!

FaceinHole.com is a site that allows you to insert your face into a variety of scenarios to create a hilarious new picture. There's no software to download, it's easy to use, and the results are great. The existing scenarios cover a fairly wide range -- animals, art, sports, pop culture, celebrities -- and the site says you can even create your own, though I haven't tried that feature yet.

I fooled around with this all day, adding my husband's face here and there and just basically cracking myself up.

Look at these!

Admittedly, some scenarios work better than others...

...but faceinhole is definitely going in my bag of tricks!

Now I just have to figure out a way to use all these photos... (cue evil laughter!)

Hey, Look! I'm on Cake Wrecks!

Well, a photo of mine is, anyway. And I've been grinning non-stop about contributing a wreck to the gallery of cakes over there! (Is it weird that I am so amused by this? No? Oh, good!)

My Blurry Cell Phone Photo Featured on Cake Wrecks!

I was out shopping a few days before Father's Day and spotted some disturbing cupcakes that made me immediately think of Cake Wrecks.

At first glance, it just looked like an innocent 6-pack of chocolatey Father's Day cupcakes, decorated in festive blues & greens....

Hey, look! Chocolate cupcakes!

...but on second glance, they looked like 6 festive little piles of crap! Literally!

Ewww!

The coiled, glistening freshness of each mound was so disturbing that I half expected to see steam rising from each and flies buzzing around under the plastic dome.

Father's Day Steamers for that very special someone.

I hate to admit it, but these crapcakes were from my beloved Target store. They do so many things right over there that I can overlook this one small misstep. (But Target bakers, if you are listening, you might want to consider applying the chocolate frosting with a slightly different technique next time!)

I suppose these cupcakes could be exactly what some people are looking for on Father's Day. Like if your dad is a dairy farmer. Or... a septic tank cleaner! Or if he sucks.

*****

If you aren't familiar with the Cake Wrecks site, you really need to go check it out; it's a very funny place featuring professionally decorated cakes that are -- you guessed it -- wrecks! They might be funny, misspelled, distorted, ugly, silly, or just plain strange. You'll love it.

I Will Do One Thing Today. And I Mean It!

Wow -- is it already time for another Semi-Monthly Post of Excuses and Empty Promises? Boy, time sure flies when you're having fun comatose!

I really think things will be different now, because I have something new that is going to free me from the bonds of inaction, give shape to my days, jump-start my ambition, change the very nature of my existence!

Look at this note pad:

Isn't that great?*

I got several packs of those "I Will Do One Thing Today" post-it pads as a birthday present from my mom, and I think they are just the ticket to get me going!

What? Well, uhm, yes. You're right, actually, and I'm really so flattered that you remember. My birthday is, indeed, in *cough* March. How kind of you to point that out.

But back to what I was saying. These post-its are perfect: motivating, yet realistic. I think they will be extremely helpful to me. And today's the day -- I'm opening the package!

OK! Here I go!


There! I did it! I'm taking action! I'm setting goals! Say hello to the new me!!

Oh, wait. Crap. That probably doesn't really count. Let me try again.

Ok, I know. Here's a good one!

Hmm. Does that actually count? I mean, can the One Thing I Do actually be something that I DON'T do? I'm going to have to think about that for a minute.

Upon further consideration, I have decided that I should only write things To Actually Do (as opposed to Not Do) on my To Do list blank. So I wrote a new goal. Here it is:


So now here's my question -- Does THIS post count??

----

*Check out some other pretty bitter products they offer, like these Sentimental Journey cards, or these gift tags, or --Yikes!-- these Dirty Doilies.

A Google Giggle to Jump-Start Your Day!

I knew today was April Fool's Day. I mean, yesterday I looked up Family Fun's fake food of the year (fish sticks & peas) and rounded up the ingredients; I printed out some unsolvable puzzles for the kids to work on; I made a bag of CreativiTea (the Earl Gray Matter)...

...but I still had a moment of utter disgust when I read the announcement on my gmail sign-in page this morning. For just a moment, I believed. I fell for it hook, line, and sinker.

(click to enlarge)

Then I remembered what day it was.

I clicked to read more about CADIE, and the prank got even funnier:


Really, you must go check out her website. And for further giggles, read some of the comments; they are funny in both directions -- from those who obviously caught on to the joke and responded in kind, and from those who...well, didn't. (Artificial intelligence, indeed!)

What a fun way to start the day -- thanks, gmail! You've inspired me to go do a few pranks of my own.

Happy Foolin', everyone!

It's My Birthday!

I'm 39 years old today.

I think the years are beginning to show.

Grow old along with me at Age-O-Matic...

...and send your results to jujyfruitmcgee@gmail.com.

I think that might make me feel better.