Gravity Is Keeping Me Down

Gravity plus undigested Christmas goodies.

Fortunately, I was able to crawl to a soft spot near the remote control before I let gravity win.

"This just isn't going to work."

Unfortunately, I couldn't ignore the Christmas tree hovering accusingly over me, dropping shriveled up needles every now and then in its passive-aggressive attempt to gain attention.

So I decided to move my gravitational struggles to a different room. One with an equally soft spot to land, but with less responsibility looming overhead.

"Ahh, that's better..."

After wasting relaxing for the entire morning, I pulled myself up by the HDTV cables and attempted a trip to the grocery store.

Unfortunately, the car battery was dead.

"$*&$#@!!"

Exhausted by my brief exertions, I went back to bed couch and decided to order pizza for supper.

You know you haven't been cooking regularly enough when the kids groan "Pizza, again?"

"Isn't this a fun Family Movie Party Night?!"

I disguised my affliction by billing the whole thing as Family Movie Party Night!

The next day, I felt ready to attempt vertical and to attack the piles of laundry.

"$@#*%*!"

I made it through one load... and then the dryer quit working.

Unable to do laundry at home, and lacking transportation to take it elsewhere, it seemed the universe was telling me it was my DESTINY to simply get back on that couch. So I draped wet laundry over every chair in the house and peacefully followed my destiny.

This time with the remote control AND a book.

Guilt-free lethargy.

The next day, I again felt refreshed and ready to be vertically productive.

Since laundry, cooking, grocery shopping, and running any other proactive errands were still out of the question, I started a sewing project I've been meaning to work on.

"*@$%^@!! ...Seriously, am I on Punk'd??"

And -- surprise, surprise -- the sewing machine quit working.

(Later that night, my son would say to me, "It's like you have the Midas Touch, only without the gold. And everything breaks." Yes. Yes, indeed.)

I blindly attempted to fix the problem, but was unsuccessful.

So? Back to the TV. This time with snacks and drinks.

Click. Click. Click... (sigh)

...And then I remembered the Christmas tree, standing there in all its uppity judgment. Sucking the fun out of my personal staycation with its silent accusations, dripping with dusty needles and disgust.

I thought about it carefully, and realized that taking the tree down did not require transportation, or clean clothes, or food in the cupboard, or the production of a well-balanced meal or crafty project. I couldn't possibly continue to watch TV willy-nilly knowing that this task could actually be achieved.

I realized there was only one thing to do.

Zzzzzz....

...So I did it.

December (Already?)

A few weeks ago, the kids were outside in short sleeves. The sky was blue, the leaves were falling...

...and falling and falling and FALLING!

Canadian Geese were flying noisily over our house every evening...

...because, unlike me, they knew what was coming:

SNOW!!

December has arrived, folks.

Happy Thanksgiving

That's cake you're looking at, by the way. (Knowing that makes it look much tastier, doesn't it?)

The main course was Szechuan Chicken & Peanuts over rice.

Just your basic, traditional Thanksgiving feast...

The Jujyfruit Family Mash! (A Very Belated Treat)

OK, I know Halloween is long past by now, but I didn't stumble across this fun video until this morning and I simply couldn't resist.

I decided that since I'm sitting here picking fun-sized Snickers bar out of my teeth, it's still current enough!

(snicker)

Try JibJab Sendables® eCards today!

P.S. That time I meant the other kind of snicker.
P.P.S. Well, fine, you caught me -- BOTH kinds! Bwahahaaa... *sound of wrapper crinkling*

Happy Halloween

Halloween Greetings to you!

From:

An Old Guy,

Steve,

and one of these Fireflies.

Evil Brackets of Doom!

Here's a scary Halloween horror for you...

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!! (Thanks, Picnik)

My daughter got braces. Right before Halloween. Which means not much Halloween candy for her! Evil, isn't it?!

And if that's not creepy enough for you, she also got horrid metal hooks glued to the back of her front teeth. They are supposed to keep her from accidentally biting the brackets off her lower front teeth...but the side effect is that she can't fully bite down at all. Anywhere. Which means not much chewing or biting or eating in general! I'm spooked.

And do you know what is even spookier than THAT??

...THE BILL! *blood-curdling scream*

(It's the stuff of nightmares.)

Brown Bear, Brown Bear, Where Could You Be? (Or, Our Trip to the Invisible Zoo.)

**My camera is still traveling with my daughter on vacation, so these photos are brought to you courtesy of my very old cell phone camera once again.**

I took Junior to the zoo. He wasn't excited about going until I told him we would see a tiger. That got his attention! He signed "tiger" and growled intermittently the whole way there.

First we saw the black swans exhibit.

Black swan, black swan, where can you be?

It consisted of a big empty area with a fountain and a pond and one lone duck.

Then we came to the chimpanzee exhibit.

I see tan ropes, empty as can be.

It was empty and under construction.

The wild dogs were nowhere to be seen, either.

Wild dogs, wild dogs, where can you be?

So we kept on walking.

A sign said the next enclosure was where the Takin (Takins? Takinusses? Takini?) lived. I was trying to remember what a Takin was and wondering how to talk about this animal to Junior. Was it like a deer? A cow? A pig? What the heck's a Takin?

It didn't matter.

I think Google Search is needed for me.

The Takin had been taken.

There were no lions or bears or elephants or giraffes, either.

But there were some cages with inhabitants that intrigued my son:

Wooly Ring-Legged Painterman

Brown Tufted Mowdegrasseus

We watched those cage-dwellers a while and Junior was content, though I was kind of wanting a refund.

The trip got a LOT more exciting and ended up being worth every penny (read Part 2 here!), but still, I felt compelled to compose the following letter To Whom It May Concern:

Dear Zoo,

Please get some animals.

Thank you,

Jujyfruit.

Hey, Look! I'm on Cake Wrecks!

Well, a photo of mine is, anyway. And I've been grinning non-stop about contributing a wreck to the gallery of cakes over there! (Is it weird that I am so amused by this? No? Oh, good!)

My Blurry Cell Phone Photo Featured on Cake Wrecks!

I was out shopping a few days before Father's Day and spotted some disturbing cupcakes that made me immediately think of Cake Wrecks.

At first glance, it just looked like an innocent 6-pack of chocolatey Father's Day cupcakes, decorated in festive blues & greens....

Hey, look! Chocolate cupcakes!

...but on second glance, they looked like 6 festive little piles of crap! Literally!

Ewww!

The coiled, glistening freshness of each mound was so disturbing that I half expected to see steam rising from each and flies buzzing around under the plastic dome.

Father's Day Steamers for that very special someone.

I hate to admit it, but these crapcakes were from my beloved Target store. They do so many things right over there that I can overlook this one small misstep. (But Target bakers, if you are listening, you might want to consider applying the chocolate frosting with a slightly different technique next time!)

I suppose these cupcakes could be exactly what some people are looking for on Father's Day. Like if your dad is a dairy farmer. Or... a septic tank cleaner! Or if he sucks.

*****

If you aren't familiar with the Cake Wrecks site, you really need to go check it out; it's a very funny place featuring professionally decorated cakes that are -- you guessed it -- wrecks! They might be funny, misspelled, distorted, ugly, silly, or just plain strange. You'll love it.

The (Belated) Weekend Edition: Never a Dull Moment

...unless you were watching us. Watching us would have been very dull.

Unless you were watching my son. (The older one.) He did a few interesting things.

But the rest of us barely moved more than our eyeballs!

The schedule was empty, the weather was lovely, and (this is key) Junior was elsewhere. There was no sense of urgency, no big project, no drama, barely even any noise.

So to be clear, the weekend probably looked dull if you were watching, but it didn't feel that way. Or I guess maybe it did, but only in a good way -- a mellow, comfortable, easy kind of way.

I am very, very good at doing nothing. It's one of my favorite things to do. I'm not one of those people who needs to stay busy all the time.

Which is why watching me is pretty dull.

But BEING me is not dull at all. I rarely get bored, so for me -- dull works.

And the only thing duller than my weekend is, apparently, this blog intro! So let's get on with it. There aren't going to be any meaningful lessons or deep thoughts. Just pictures. Lots and lots of pictures. Of us doing what we did. Which was...nothing much.

I lounged outside in my new comfy chair and finished reading a book to my oldest son ("A Week in the Woods" by Andrew Clements) which was my sole activity for the morning. Perfect!

That book inspired many camping-themed activities for him. One of which was, uhm, camping. In the back yard. All by himself! I watched him throughout the afternoon, but it remained a solitary and earnest endeavor. (I was glad, because I had already decided I would opt for my usual, dull, sleep-inducing bed when the time came.)

One camping-related thing that might have looked exciting was when he tried to starting a fire using a magnesium block and striker bar (like the boy in the book)....but it was another sustained lovely dull activity, because the sparks would occasionally fly but the pine needles did not ignite.

(He also asked for a bottle of iodine pills to purify the neighborhood street puddles into drinking water, but I said no. I prefer his drinking water nice and dull; no technicolor motor oil or swirling larvae allowed.)

My husband came home with a new wheelbarrow, which was used in many dull and non-work-related ways. It proved to be a great place in which to have a snack, take a break...

...or read a book.

I watched my daughter read for quite a while, because her interesting book cover provided me with a very entertaining perspective.

Mostly, though, I just sat with my feet propped up and watched the trees sway and the clouds migrate, and pondered the way the leaves framed a perfect square of sky.

I also watched the chipmunks and squirrels skittering about the yard. Lovely entertainment, yet so nice and dull --no grizzly bears or shark attacks here, if you know what I'm saying.

Then I watched my son make an invention he called a "marshmallow shooter," which sounds exciting and loud, but was really more of a mental exercise than anything. (Plus, marshmallows! And tiny metal springs! We're talking peaceful, mellow ambitions here.)

I shot random photos of the sky, because it had hypnotized me. And then I increased the color saturation to re-create the blue Kansas sky of my childhood, and leisurely contemplated the difference between the two.

And if I have failed to fully convey to you the quiet loveliness of a delightfully dull day, let me attempt to illustrate it with this video:

Did you hear that?

No??

My point exactly! Ahhhh.....

*****

PS. And then Junior came home and the dullness came to a screeching halt. Things turned literally, instantly, unexpectedly razor sharp!

One More Way To Start Your Day Filled With Energy & Purpose!

I discovered yet another way to start your day filled with energy and purpose this morning: Wake up with the realization that it is your kids' LAST FULL DAY OF SCHOOL before summer vacation begins.

Gotta run! The clock is ticking!

Happy Easter!

Spring Break 2009

I think mine will, too. Eventually.

I know many of you are far away in some sunny location for Spring Break, but just in case you are near a computer, I wanted to send my greetings!

We're having a truly one-of-a-kind vacation this year. We didn't travel anywhere, but we are having an unbelievable week right here at home! I keep forgetting to pull out my camera, but I did just take a few quick photos to post here and help preserve the memories.

First of all, you'd never guess we're still just at home. I mean, the view is incredible. My jaw dropped to the floor when I looked out the window yesterday! It's astounding.

Sorry, daffodils. I didn't know. IT'S APRIL.

We've had LOTS of R & R, with plenty of lounging around.

They usually had comfy nests of blankets and pillows. Don't worry.

We scheduled a few things, but mainly kept the calendar wide open and flexible and even canceled some previous commitments.

Can you decipher my coding system? Also, notice the ENTIRE WEEK of no school that occurred BEFORE Spring Break ever even started?? We are very lucky; we got TWO weeks off!

I've been relaxing a lot, too -- in fact, I didn't even bother to buy groceries and I've barely even had to cook a meal so far!

I promise they will all be thoroughly Cloroxed before I serve you salad or popcorn.

We've had lots & lots of family time; my husband has been home all week so far, and said he might just take the rest of the week off, too!

He was very sick, too, with a miserably high fever that wouldn't register. Oh, and by the way, I was just thinking the other day how lucky it is that he's not the one who bore the children. And also how lucky it is that he never reads this blog.

Even though we haven't even left the house, we've seen some amazing attractions...

I like to seal them up tight and secure for our archaeologist friends to find. It will give the Michael Crichtons of the future something good to write about.

...and visited some incredible places.

I love you, HDTV. (Especially when you have back-to-back episodes of "I Didn't Even Know I Was Pregnant")

Yep, Spring Break 2009 is definitely proving to be a week to remember!

Hope you're having a memorable week, too, wherever you are!

Boy, I can't wait to see your pictures!!