Thursday, May 21, 2009

One More Way To Start Your Day Filled With Energy & Purpose!

I discovered yet another way to start your day filled with energy and purpose this morning: Wake up with the realization that it is your kids' LAST FULL DAY OF SCHOOL before summer vacation begins.

Gotta run! The clock is ticking!

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

How to Start Your Day Filled With Energy and Purpose

There is some debate about whether my last post actually counts as a post that is NOT about not posting. (Did you follow that?) So, here is an alternative post featuring those cool "I Will Do One Thing Today" pads. This one counts! It doesn't even mention not posting recently!

Wait. Whoops. Well, just start reading HERE. >>

How To Start Your Day Filled With Energy and Purpose: A Simple 3-Step Plan Anyone Can Do.

Step 1. Drink Coffee. (Real coffee. Coffee with caffeine.)

I bought a new brand of coffee recently. It's not readily available at my local grocery store, so I bought two bags of it when I had the chance. I've been drinking this delicious coffee for well over a month now.

Yesterday, my husband made a pot of coffee in the evening for some dinner guests. (He usually just makes his morning coffee at work, so he hadn't actually made a pot from this new supply yet.) He started chuckling and whispering about me, and then announced with a grin that he had a theory about the source of my recent headaches and fatigue: I bought DECAF.

That's right -- I've been drinking decaf for weeks, and had not a clue.

Did I take advantage of this accidental weaning to free myself from the tyranny of caffeine? Are you kidding me?! I went straight out and bought a bag of the real deal!

And let me just tell you, after weeks without caffeine, the body reacts verrrrry favorably to a sudden spike in intake. I highly recommend it.

Step 2. Go Head-to-Head With The World's Largest Spider, Thus Saving Your Loved Ones From Certain Peril!

Caffeine will perk you up initially, but to achieve an optimum level of arousal, there's nothing quite like sheer terror to really get the adrenalin flowing. After the coffee started pumping through my veins, I sat down at the computer. Suddenly, out of the corner of my eye I saw the largest spider I have ever seen in my life, mere feet away!

Now I'm not particularly scared of spiders, but let me tell ya, this one scared the patooey out of me. It was enormous. No little stick legs here -- in fact, those spider legs were so big and thick they almost appeared FLESHY.

I started to panic, and yelled at my daughter to "help me get it!!" (Not entirely sure what I thought she could do, but I couldn't face my hairy adversary without knowing she was in the room behind me. And that she could call 911 when the moment came.)

I grabbed a jar with a lid and stealthily approached that spider, with pounding hard and trembling hands, and then POUNCED, quickly trapping it under the jar! After a brief celebration, I suppressed a shudder...held my breath...and thrust the lid between the critter's body and the carpet, lifted the whole thing up, and flipped the jar over. (Caffeine really does speed up your reaction time, btw.)

But there was a problem: the spider didn't fall to the bottom of the jar like it should have, so I was terrified I missed it. I quickly scanned the floor...then the jar...and realized it truly was in there, gripping firmly to the underside of the lid with his giant fleshy spider legs! (I nearly swooned from the very idea.) I managed to NOT drop the jar, and instead shook it VIGOROUSLY to make that spider fall to the bottom where I could keep a leery eye on him....and nothing happened. I shook it again -- still nothing! I realized I had most likely trapped one of those enormous legs in the lid itself, so I swallowed my bile, lifted the lid ever-so-slightly and SHOOK IT AGAIN! (I mean, we're talking maracas this time!) And finally, it rattled around and fell to the floor of the jar with an audible clunk. And just laid there. Without moving.

Because it was plastic.

Then the waves of relief and caffeine-laced, maniacal laughter set in. Whoo-eee! That was a close one!

But I tell you what, my adrenalin continued to surge for a good long time. Between the coffee and the adrenalin, I was ready for action.

I tried to re-create the moment in this photo...but it just looks so shiny and obvious now.

Step 3. Get Yourself a One Thing Pad & Write Down One Goal.

The first two steps of this plan will provide you with all the energy you need; this step will help you establish your purpose.

These One Thing pads are an excellent way to channel that caffeine and aim that adrenalin! If you're really lucky, and you set your sights nice and low, you might even can get your One Thing done before you hit the slump that occurs when the effects of Steps 1 & 2 wear off! (If not, at least you will have a clearly recorded goal for the day, which will help you remember what it was you wanted to do when you wake up from your nap later.)


If the 3-step plan outlined above seems too complicated, or if you are unable to complete the spider portion of the plan for any reason, there is one alternative.

This alternative method is not nearly as fun, and I hesitate to even mention it, because it also involves loved ones fraught with peril -- but this is the type of peril that extends far beyond the plastic spider variety. In fact, should you choose this alternative method, it is absolutely imperative that you consult with a licensed medical doctor before proceeding! Nevertheless, in extreme cases -- implementing all precautions -- this method has been scientifically proven to get results.

For more information about this alternative method, continue reading below.


Alternative Method for Starting Your Day Filled With Energy And Purpose -- NOT FDA APPROVED.

The second, extremely effective method for How To Start Your Day With Energy And Purpose is to have a loved one schedule an early morning surgical procedure at your local hospital.

This happens to be the method I used yesterday. And even though I still didn't get out the door quite as quickly as I wanted to (Sorry, Bob! I didn't know they would take you back quite that early!), I have to say that my adrenalin and caffeine levels -- aka Energy & Purpose -- were, indeed, running on high for an extended period of time.

Now, I would NOT recommend using this alternative method very often (and it can be kinda tricky to find a loved one willing to participate) but for occasional use only -- seriously, NO MORE THAN 3 TIMES IN ANY 6-MONTH PERIOD, PLEASE!!* -- it is remarkably effective.

Contraindications & Warnings
Before beginning either of the aforementioned recommended plans, you should become thoroughly familiar with each step involved and proceed with common sense.

Actually, never mind -- common sense would render certain steps ineffective. So, um, just blindly jump right in, I guess!

Try one of these time-proven methods TODAY and you, too, can Start Your Day Filled With Energy and Purpose!


*Yes, I left room in that time-frame to do it all over again in August. But, seriously, Bob, that's enough! OK?!?

Monday, May 18, 2009

I Will Do One Thing Today. And I Mean It!

Wow -- is it already time for another Semi-Monthly Post of Excuses and Empty Promises? Boy, time sure flies when you're having fun comatose!

I really think things will be different now, because I have something new that is going to free me from the bonds of inaction, give shape to my days, jump-start my ambition, change the very nature of my existence!

Look at this note pad:

Isn't that great?*

I got several packs of those "I Will Do One Thing Today" post-it pads as a birthday present from my mom, and I think they are just the ticket to get me going!

What? Well, uhm, yes. You're right, actually, and I'm really so flattered that you remember. My birthday is, indeed, in *cough* March. How kind of you to point that out.

But back to what I was saying. These post-its are perfect: motivating, yet realistic. I think they will be extremely helpful to me. And today's the day -- I'm opening the package!

OK! Here I go!

There! I did it! I'm taking action! I'm setting goals! Say hello to the new me!!

Oh, wait. Crap. That probably doesn't really count. Let me try again.

Ok, I know. Here's a good one!

Hmm. Does that actually count? I mean, can the One Thing I Do actually be something that I DON'T do? I'm going to have to think about that for a minute.

Upon further consideration, I have decided that I should only write things To Actually Do (as opposed to Not Do) on my To Do list blank. So I wrote a new goal. Here it is:

So now here's my question -- Does THIS post count??


*Check out some other pretty bitter products they offer, like these Sentimental Journey cards, or these gift tags, or --Yikes!-- these Dirty Doilies.

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