Meh.

You heard it's official, right? That "meh" is now in the dictionary?* That's helpful, because I'm using it a lot these days. (Also, I'm glad to hear the ever-useful "heh" is getting the notice it deserves; I'm a heavy user of that one, what with my frequent need for sarcasm or to sort of - kind of laugh, while simultaneously conveying that I'm a bit meh about it, and all.)

I feel the need to acknowledge my lack of posting lately. I continue to have a list of great ideas, but can't seem to get around to making them happen! It's partly the ongoing computer frustrations, partly lingering house stuff, partly general busyness, but it's mainly due to an ongoing period of meh-ness I seem to find myself in.

And as evidence of that theory, I will half-heartedly cut-and-paste this email I sent to a group of internet friends recently:

Hello, all. I've been checking in, but pretty much incommunicado lately. Don't know why exactly. I've been generally in a weird place these past weeks (months?). I don't really feel depressed, but just totally stuck. Definitely aimless, very nonproductive. Peaceful, with a touch of bitter. There needs to be a word for that in the English vocabulary, because it seems to be a fairly common state for me.

I think part of it is this new house. So much adrenalin to get here and through the initial icky stuff, but now I'm just immobilized. There are boxes I can't bring myself to unpack, paint colors I can't seem to select,pictures I don't know where to hang. But maybe the house is just a reflection of ME. Because I really do like being here, and am so much more relaxed. Perhaps its similar to D's situation: I've relaxed my emotional tone to the extent that I'm forgetting to...uh, well...MOVE, in my case. It sounds like a good thing on the surface, but there are things that really SHOULD be happening that just are NOT. I don't know what I'm doing with myself these days, and if you watched me on a time-lapse video, you wouldn't either.

This morning I was supposed to be going in to school to help roll out and cut gingerbread house pieces. Great idea, but they are making 52!! Sounded fun when I signed up, but was dreading it this morning. Then B woke up and said his stomach hurt and he's staying home from school today. Which means I am, too! And instead of being disappointed, I have been thrilled at this turn of events! Seriously warped that this would make my day.

So what will I do with these extra hours? Well...likely nothing. sigh.


See? Meh.

I'm thinking I should probably change the sidebar photo of me to one of these options:

( No, I didn't get a fresh new spunky haircut. That would indicate decidedly more intent and action than I have now, wouldn't it? We meh folks prefer to just leave stuff as is.)

I found these photos in an old file from 2006. And WOWIE WOW WOW have I aged in 2 years...!!** Current photos show a marked wrinkle between my eyes. Apparently I've had a chronically furrowed brow for 2 years straight, or something. Huh. And the bags under my eyes are now big enough to carry home some of that Christmas shopping I need to do. Not presents, of course -- they aren't that bad -- but I could definitely tote some stocking stuffer items around.

Now, in all fairness, I also have gained quite a few laugh lines around my eyes. I view that as a positive. I'm gonna focus on those.

So there you go. I slathered a nice, uncomfortable layer of seasonal meh all over the place just for you! Happy Holidays! (heh.)

But the nice thing is that typing all this helped me see what I need to do to move forward: I need to do whatever it is that will help create more of the laugh line wrinkles, and fewer of the furrowed brow ones.

The rest will follow.

****

*Just an F.Y.I. -- Blogger's SpellChecking Button didn't get the memo yet.

** It's possible that the middle-aged acne I've been experiencing could help offset the wrinkled effect and impart a certain youthfulness about me...but that might just be wishful thinking.