This just in!
We interrupt your regularly scheduled surfing to bring you the following important announcement:
The Associated Press reports that Jujyfruit has, allegedly, taken a bath. To repeat, initial reports now indicate that Jujyfruit
may have had a bath earlier today.According to public record, this has not occurred since
sometime during the past school year, or approximately 3-4 months ago. Rumor has it that Jujyfruit did likely
shower once or twice since then, but that rumor has not yet been confirmed.
An inside source, who asked to remain anonymous, verified the bath-taking episode
did indeed occur, and offered eye-witness testimony that at least
some shaving-of-the-legs had most likely taken place
in that bath, as well.
"[the shaving] was only
to the knee, but that is a good start," said the insider, adding, "I'm just relieved she took the time to do that, because her capris can only hide
so much, you know?"
Examination of the visible laundry piles seems to indicate that in addition to the calf-shaving, Jujyfruit also may have
chosen to dress in capris
that were, in fact, clean. Speculation continues regarding what she may be wearing
with those freshly-laundered capris, as all three of her usual summer t-shirts have been located.
One neighbor suggested that Jujyfruit may, in fact, be wearing an actual
blouse of some type, though cautioned that the fabric did still appear to be a
basic jersey knit. I repeat, the fabric
did still appear to be a
basic jersey knit. The neighbor explained,
"I heard a strange noise coming from Jujyfruit's house at about 11:30 this morning while I was out walking my dog, so I glanced at the window and I could see her in there using a hairdryer! I remember it distinctly, because it was just so unusual.
At first I thought it must be someone else -- like, maybe she had a house guest or something -- because she wasn't wearing her normal t-shirt and also because it almost looked like she had on dangly earrings and lip gloss! But then she turned her head in my direction, and I could see that it really was her! I don't know what all this means, but I just felt it was my American duty to report it. Something fishy's going on over there."
Officers on the scene hinted that there could be a connection between these current allegations and the fact that the
local school system held its opening day of classes today, adding that "strange things" were happening
all over town.
Authorities urge anyone possessing information about these
startling turn of events to contact our
Jujyfruit Hotline at
1-800-SHE-LIVES. Again, that's
1-800-SHE-LIVES. Operators will be standing by to take your calls as we continue to investigate this matter.