Monday, April 28, 2008

In Which Global Warming Sounds Like a Good Idea...

April 28, 2008

Dear Mother Nature,

I'm writing you on behalf of all concerned citizens in the Michiana region. It has recently come to our attention that this year's long-awaited Spring is in danger of being temporarily revoked, and the earnestly struggling buds & sprouts residing herein are under threat of imminent peril. The overnight forecast predicts possible freezing temperatures with a slight chance of snow.

I offer my heartfelt plea that you reconsider this foolish plan, and strongly urge you to fully weigh and evaluate the devastating consequences of such an act. It is the end of April, Mother! The window for acceptable action has expired!

As a gesture of good faith while we work towards a peaceful resolution, I hereby pledge to nip my whining in the bud, in exchange for your promise that you will not nip our buds with frost.

What do you say, Big Mama? Can't we all just get along?

I am also legally obligated to inform you in writing that in the absence of a favorable response from you, I will be forced to dump the entire contents of our recyclable plastics bin in the yard and burn them in a massive off-gassing, pollution-filled, carbon-footprint-producing bonfire in an effort to warm things up a little faster around here.

Please reconsider your actions, post haste!


Chair, Citizens for Global Warming

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