Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Train Me Like Pavlov's Dog

I was out with some friends last night and they were telling me that I should "write some stuff down", and I confessed that I actually have been and told them about this blog. And they were telling me that I have "a voice" that would make what I write different, unique, ME. And then one friend (who has read it all) said that she didn't actually hear "me" -- not the one she knows -- in this blog all that much. And it got me thinking.

Here's the deal. I'm not sure the same side of me that they see will ever make it into the blog format, for a variety of reasons.

1. I am fully aware that everything I put in here is searchable by anyone at anytime for any reason; I don't want to put things in black and white that I will regret later. (Well, ok, I will likely regret much of what I write at some point...but I would like it to be because I found typos or errors or changed my opinion or some other relatively benign reason.) What I don't want is to put something in here that comes back to haunt me. (I don't want to edit myself right out, though, either.)

2. My friends & I generally see each other socially, not in the midst of the daily grit and grime. I am relaxed, free, unencumbered! I love a one-liner and the easy laugh! But the stuff that lingers in my mind is the stuff that is hard or thought-provoking. And it's also the stuff that I haven't already said.

3. When I put my thoughts into written words, they are different. Writing it down forces me to get to the heart of the matter (eventually, anyway -- I do tend to ramble!) and it's therapeutic.

4. I am a processor. I react on the spot, often put my foot in my mouth, give a gut response -- but behind that initial reaction, underneath it all, I continue to think things through. I come to terms with situations; I develop my viewpoints; I re-write my inner dialogue; I chew it around and spit out something new.

5. I'm making a conscious effort to stay positive right now. I'm in a good place and I'm being very mindful about staying there. If that means I reconstrue a bad account into something more hopeful and positive, then I say more power to me! I may have picked up the phone and fussed and moaned and whined and cursed...but as I back up to place it in the grand scheme of things, my perspective shifts.

6. By the time I am able to get on the computer and type, hours have passed. (See Points 2-5!)

7. Perhaps most importantly, I never intended for this blog to be a Mommy Blog, and I had no desire to lay myself out on a table. I just wanted something that would be eclectic and entertaining...but what I've found is that when I sit down at the computer, the post I often want to write is just one about my day. So I guess I'll keep doing that some (but I'll keep the meatier stuff over there), and I will try to bring back the fun and games!

See guys?? We go out for dinner and drinks and laughs...and I end up chewing it over (a 5 minute conversation!) and coming up with a long, reflective, boringly meaningful (to me) blog.

(I rest my case.)

OK, so here's what would help me stay on track: if you read something you like, leave a comment. (Even if it's an old post, I'll see it.) You can train me like Pavlov's dog to post more of the good stuff!


Lynne said...

alright, you've pushed me out of my safe and dark and twisty place to comment. you're a fantastic writer and i love reading your blog. i do love your one-liners, but i also love reading what is underneath.

jujyfruit said...

Aw, thanks, Lynne!

atsirk said...

I love all of your blogs and the variety...I like that I never know what I'm going to get! DON'T CHANGE THE FORMAT!