Friday, June 27, 2008

Heard Round the Deo 'Hood

Since I glommed my posting duties off on amalah's doorstep this morning, I had time to take a nice long shower. During which I continued to giggle and imagine more product talk. And when I opened the door to the medicine cabinet and saw my own FOUR DEODORANTS standing there innocently, I realized I was perhaps a victim of marketing, too...

"Victim of marketing?? More like victim of over-active sweat glands!"

"Seriously, dudes -- I mean I know her air conditioning was broken and all, but hello?! STANK!"

"Hey, guys! Wanna hear a secret? We saw her throw a t-shirt away recently because the pits bleached out!! We'd watch your backs if we were you, because we're pretty sure she's gonna figure out who did that and you'll be outta here!"

"Plus? She's just kind of fickle."

"Kind of fickle? Yeah, tell us -- all three of us! -- about it. She even muttered around about trying to pin the problem on us -- something about comfort strip residue. Like we even have any comfort strips left! We've been here, like, FOREVER, and we're only disposables! I mean, as if!" (eye rolling)

"Tell it, sister: One of you four up there on your high shelf? You're goin' down!"

"Uh, fickle? Hello? Over here? You guys don't even know from fickle."

"Yeah, well at least you get some action! We're practically just bathroom decor."

"Don't even start with that again. You two at least get frantically used for about a week every 6 months or so....But us? We're dying here!!"

"Joke's on her, though -- cuz, her face? It's dying, too!!" (maniacal laughter)

"Whu? Action? Did somebody say action??"

"Aw, go back to your snofgest, Mr. Fancy Brush. Like you are in need of any action?! Seriously. your shelf is hopping all day long! We see how you are."

"Hey! Don't throw me in that shelf mix! We all know I'm only here for Junior's sake, and he hardly ever even wants to mess around. It's hard to be a mint-flavored soul stuck in such a ridiculous package. I'm a patsy! A decoy! A JOKE!! I only dream about action."

"Yeah, well you can HAVE the kind of action I get. All of you? -- SHUT IT!!"

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